Fairy童Tales话

Late Info

2010-01-04T17:26:00.003+08:00

Fairy童Tales话 Had MOVED Since November 18, 2009.

For those who want to know my new blog, put your name under comment on this entry and i will reply you via Email.

Thank You.

Note: Nicknames won't be entertained.

Left 4 Dead 2

2009-11-16T23:48:00.010+08:00

Left 4 Dead 2 (L4D2 For Short) is finally out... Oh yea! Not Demo but officially... Few more minutes to 17 November. Just bought the game today and i just can't wait to start playing. Why am i being so siao over this game? I don't know too... Cos can use melee weapons and so on + machine gun and maybe some new zombies? Just a brief intro... L4D2 had news campaign. A total of 5 campaigns, mainly: The Parish, Swamp Fever, Hard Rain, Dead Center and Dark Carnival. New zombies includes: Charger, Spitter and Jockey. And not to forget new characters. lolz... I was like a free promoter for this game, but whatever it is, try it and u rate it urself...

Posters (Campaigns):

After Pool

2009-11-12T01:46:00.002+08:00

It had been quite some times since i updated this blog. Just came back from some pool sessions with my brother (Fabian) and cousin (Eugene). It is now 1++ in the morning. Super tired. Wonder why i blogged so EARLY in the morning most of the time nowadays? Well, cos when i reminded myslef i wanted to update, i tend to forget. Haiz~ STM [Short Term Memories].

So just went to some pool sessions, damn frustrated. I don't mind going out late with my bro and cousin, even if there is school the next day, but i just cannot stand them treating me as in I am invisible, even if there are friends around. I seemingly felt left out all of the sudden and I hated that feelings. I felt so frustrated that I try to suppress it by diverting my attention. I went to both cybercafe and bowling centre but both were closing. I was like WTF! I played the games in my handphone but I got even more frustrated. Then, they wanted to go West Coast Park to eat. I wanted to go initially but I wanted to somehow let my anger out. So I came back, complained to my mother about them treating me invisible and hopefully I can felt much more relieved. DAMN IT!

Friends or 'Friends'?

2009-10-27T23:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, when we think back, the things that we did seems unnecessary, but we did what we did... Those things might be directly or indirectly affects you somehow. That's when you really cannot think straight. But when you cool down and as you recalled, what you did are really silly...

Friends? What are friends? Who are your real friends? Are your 'friends' really your friends? All these questions have been in my mind for a long time and i am yet to differentiate who is and who is not. I means we are all friends but are they real friends that you can share secrets with? I have some real friend back in ITE, and i sometimes don't really care much about him. In order to be part of a larger group, i ignored him. There are times that i 'betrayed' him but he was never angry with me (or was he?). My weakness is that i hate to be a loner and that's why i am easily manipulate by others. Now that i am in poly, one thing for sure, i can count on my friends, classmates and schoolmates alike... Good things always come last for me. When i thought i had found it, i am wrong. So now is the time? Who's knows?

5th Month Anniversary

2009-10-22T23:33:00.002+08:00

Matters of Trust

2009-10-17T03:58:00.002+08:00

It had been quite long now since i last blog... I think about a week or so. Never update cos recently not much happened. Now the time is 4am in the morning. First, I would like to wish everyone, "Happy Deepavali"...

Something just came into my mind and i felt there is a need to put my thoughts here. Trusts are one factor that keep couples going. I felt it is rather pathetic that a couple had to end up checking each other up. Both guys and girls alike, the very same excuse for doing so is that they love the other party too much. But the truth cannot be deny. I told myself one thing, no matter what happened, i will not do those unnecessary check-up on the other party. I do not know about others but for me, i feel that finding someone that you can trust, love and live your life with, it is a gift. I would rather be the one that get hurts, rather than the other party. I had gone through too many setbacks, especially after the incident happened in 28 March 2006, the past had really make me a better person. But still, i lost quite a large amount of confidence after that. For now, whatever me and my dear~ heard or saw in others' relationship, we tend to get a bit uneasy but at the same time, ensure that we are there for each other. Going into 5 months now in the upcoming 20th October. For long distance relationship to last that long, it is a bonus as both of us had never expected it. That's what makes me more determine to maintain this relationship.

Late Night Movie

2009-10-04T17:09:00.008+08:00

After a night with less than 5 hours sleep, i am really now super tired but what i felt is that, all these tiredness is worthwhile. It is not like we got numerous chance to out together as "The 8 Immortals" or maybe "Treasure 8" or whatever. Why 8? Well, there are 8 of us, including me and my brother, the rest are cousins.

Went to watch 1.15am movie, "Accident (意外)", starring 古天乐, in Jurong Point GV. Not a bad show, boring but come to think of it, quite meaningful. The movie depicts the meaning of, "What goes around comes around". The male lead was leading a group of people who kills for money, by staging an accident. However, during an operation, one of them met with a mishap, which causes a series of events. I don't know about others but for me, out of 5 stars, i think i will give it 2.5-3 stars.

Just before the movie, we were taking photos as marks of our late night excursion until one of our cousins set off the alarm in Fish & Co. She got so afraid and we even teased her until her face turned pale. But, like in the movie, this is just an accident since no harm is done. After that, we just went to our cousin's place for overnight, which ended most of us with 'panda eyes'.

Quick Updates

2009-09-21T19:45:00.011+08:00

Well, for this entry, i am going to do a quick updates for the past few days before updating about the zoo trip today. Received my exam results and as expected, the results were not as good as before with GPA only 1.5... But thanks goodness that i passed and able to proceed on without having to retake any of the modules, or else it is sure to be a drag. Last Saturday, played soccer... After got hit on my ****, it came to me that the team seems to lack teamwork. No doubt i volunteered to be a keeper but a team should not leave all the defence to a keeper, the question is, "Where is a defender when needed?"... Really got tired of being a keeper, seriously. And last but not least, ytd 20092009 was the 4th month that me and dear~ are together. Didn't realized that 520 can be translated in chinese when i first asked her for stead. I guess all these are fated :P<3

Now for today's update, my whole family went to Singapore Zoo today. Having slept late last night, i was a bit reluntant to go but i just don't want to miss that opportunity cos it is not like everyday we go zoo... Took a few animals photos but some are not really clear, so i think i will only post those that are much clearer as compared to the others. We went to fragile forest and took a walk inside. As the animals are allow to run freely inside, i was reluctant to go in initially but i went in anyway. I thought i might be the one trying to dodge the animals and insects inside but it turns out to be the younger ones dodging. We even went to the scaly encounters and the same happened. Before we went in, they were like teasing me but after that, i was the one laughing... The animal show wasn't as interesting as before. To conclude it all, we walked only half of the entire zoo landscape but still tiring.

And here's some photos that i taken during the family outing:

Exploring Orchard At Midnight

2009-09-15T15:13:00.008+08:00

It had been damn long since my last post. Well, nothing to update so there is no need to. Some had been pestering me to update my blog but then seriously what is so good about my blog? Anyway i am not here to ask these questions but i am here to update about my last night events.

Went to meet up with aaron, jh, ks, jerome, bj, alvin, eve. Went to dinner at Cathay near Plaza Sing. After dinner, eve had work so he need to leave and as for alvin, he went back home. So left the 6 of us going lan but not long after at cyber cafe, m.y came and joined us. We stayed in the cyber cafe until 2 in the morning if i remembered correctly before heading out to supper. I wasn't really had the appetite cos i was super tired. Seriously, by that time, i really missed my bed :P... Walked almost the whole of orchard road in the middle of the night and even went to the 'red-light' district in orchard... Seriously, i was rather disgusted. At the cyber cafe, my dear~ kept messaging me, asking me if i am home. I guess if it was me, i would do the same cos i was worried. And oso, missed that goodnight kiss that we gave each other every night before went to sleep. At that 'red-light' district, i somehow missed my dear~ and got the urge to call her but it was damn late. I think about 3+ in the morning. I wore the couple ring out last night and they were like teasing me saying i am married. Honestly, i don't really mind. Actually i was thinking, it is worth it to explore the whole of orchard road since i am rotting at home most of the time. I could take that opportunity to familiarize the place and next time if dear~ is here, i can bring her around :)

That's all for the update... Here are some pictures taken before we went home after a night long walk in orchard.

Post-Exam Review

2009-08-28T00:24:00.004+08:00

It had been a while since i last blogged. Well, no choice cos nid to prepare my final final exam paper, Microeconomics (MIEC). But now, it's all over. What awaits is the final results... Based on the results, students are classified into 2 groups, normal and cross-level. Cross-level students are those who failed a module and retake the whole module. However, for ITE students, due to the exemption of some modules like me, they are already classified as Cross-Level even if they pass the whole final exam. In secondary school, there is a literature text, "A Sense of Belonging" and that's what i finally have. So, what i am hope for now is that next semester, i can be in the same TT02 tutorial class as i am in now...

There is a phrase that i took quite some time to learn and that is, "每个人的心上都有一户门和一把锁匙，有了那把对的锁匙就能深刻的了解那个人". This applies to all kinds of relationships between one another. It had been 3 months now since me and dear~ together. Though we know that long-distance relationship is expensive, we would try to remain in contact every night via phone, trying to save up for each other in the process. or sometimes through MSN. Both of us feels a sense of loss when we saw other couples together. It is something which couples, who are always with each other, do not understand. Take it as a romance novel if you want cos it really doesn't matter to me as long as i knows and she understands.

(Source: Google.com; Edited: Nigel)

'Real' Iron Man

2009-08-14T15:31:00.007+08:00

Talking about being an Iron Man, ytd i truely really become an Iron Man except the fact that i lack in artificial heart, haha! But seriously, it's scary to know that you almost die in your sleep. There is a chinese saying, "没病都查出有病". From my 24-hrs ECG monitoring, i found out that i almost die in my sleep cos the heart beat stopped for 3 minutes. This is not exaggerating. But i was thinking that how could it be 3 minutes? Wouldn't i die of lack of oxygen in the brain. Who knows? Maybe it's just that i press on the ECG machine, causing it to malfunction. Or maybe my heartbeat just stopped for 3 seconds?

There is a picture of the ECG machine attached to my body but for now, i just could not post it here due to blogger error. Maybe next time when blogger is fully functional again. Well, that's the update for now.

Pre-National Day

2009-08-09T02:17:00.002+08:00

It is now 9th August, 2am... Just finishing playing mahjong with my family. Yesterday, dear~ told me that she is going to her friend's house-warming party. I was kinda worry for her cos' she told me that she would be drinking alcohol. From what i know from her, her male friends are mostly heavy drinkers so i was worry that something might happen to her and so, i told her not to drink so much. Now that she is back at home, i feel kinda relief. Forget about the goodnight kiss that we had before hanging up the call every night but i guess, after a long day out, she is tired. Feel kinda useless sometime cos i could not be there for her if she needed me, all i can do is to console her through phone. Haiz~ :(

9th August is our National Day and at the same time is my grandma's birthday. Many relatives and friends will be here no doubt. The house will be fill with laughter and etc. My grandma asked me to ask dear~ to come but i replied that i also hope that she will be able to come but too bad that we are in two different lands. Maybe in years to come, she may be able to come and celebrate. For now, I could only wish for that day to come.

(P.S. Btw, Happy 44th Birthday Singapore :))

A Promise

2009-08-02T02:07:00.001+08:00

Wanted to blog earlier but just couldn't do it cos my feeling is a bit mess up. My heart was like so sad and painful when alvin said something which i cannot take it. The main problem is his tone, sound as in so sarcastic. But after talking to dear~ in msn and on the phone, i felt much better. Whatever the case is, it is still much better than the past. Last time, when the same thing happened, i just went to slp and forget about it the next day. But now, at least when i am feeling down, i know that there will be someone there for me.

Seriously, without my family support and both of our perservence, i think we may not be able to make it this far. Some of my friends said that it is hard to maintain a far distance relationship but who can guarantee that even both party live in the same region and they will be able to last? The answer is obviously NO! I promise dear~ something and that promise is for me and her to know. So dun ask so much.

So late and so tired... Going to sleep soon. Until next time...

The 3 Hearts

2009-07-25T00:23:00.002+08:00

There are many types of love in this love. Love between couples, Love between friends and Love in the family.

Love between Couples:
Seen a lot and how couples ended up in a break-up. In most cases, guys are normally at fault. But in some, girls are the one that choose this path. Be it guys or girls, i feel that we should not take things at heart in case of break-up. It is not as if they are the only guy/girl around in this world. However, both parties have to prevent this from happening if possible, unless either party is being unreasonable. In Nicole's case, the guy is clearly just 'playing' with her. So it is also advisable to break with him, no doubt. Even if people thinks it is impossible, try all means to make it possible until either party gives up. That's what i think what it means by loving that person truely.

Love between Friends:
Nothing to say... The video says it all... Asked for permission and granted by Keng An...

It's all about having fun together...

Love in the Family:
Do i even nid to elaborate on this?

Weekend Review

2009-07-20T20:55:00.002+08:00

20th is a special date in every month for me. People may say that it is only 2 months and what's so special? But for me, i treat everything seriously. I always wanted things to be perfect and hence, causes my low self-esteem. There is always someone who pull me up from the bottom like my family and some of my friends. But that's not what i want to highlight today, but instead is what happened in the weekend, and really got me thinking.

I saw many things in my life that really got me thinking. Be it others or what had happened to me. I can't deny my past but i can change them for a better future. I see what happened to others and i simply told myself that if it hurts others, esp. someone you love, i should not repeat it myself. There are just too much imperfect in this world and too bad, i am just an ordinary human, but what i can do is to help those that needs it. But sometimes, people may think otherwise if you are trying to help others. The world is built this way and there is nothing we can do to change them, so why not accept them? 没事为何拿事来气自己呢？

Special And Precious Birthday Gifts Ever

2009-07-12T16:52:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, the best thing in life may not be from the surface but instead it's from the bottom of one's heart. The way they put efforts into something can be easily feel by another person. For me, the best birthday gift is not 'ang pows' from parents or relatives cos you receive them almost every year. Maybe theirs are the best gift but then not a special one. The most special and the most precious one that i received just today was from someone that i loved... My dear~ Stephanie.

The efforts she put into wrapping my birthday gifts, not only i can feel it but so is my other family members. If they could feel it, you can guess how strong is my feeling when i received it. Of cos, they could oso see how happy i am. How special is it? I even labelled on the box, "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH UNLESS WITH PERMISSION."

Thanks dear~ for your present... It may be some common things but seriously, it is the most special present to me ever. And i like them very much... :)

Happy 19th Birthday To Me

2009-07-02T00:05:00.003+08:00

It's midnight now and that means it's 2nd July... What's so special about this date? If you keep track of my blog entry, then you should know that today is my 19th birthday. And every year, i will make a wish for myself or maybe for others.

As for this year's birthday wish:
1) To be able to pass all my Year 1 modules, scoring all 'A's
2) To be able to attend university (2 more years)
3) All people that i care the most, esp. my family and dear~, is well in terms of health (all), wealth (adults), and academic (siblings, friends and dear~).

And i think that's all for now... The best gift? Erm... I guess it should be Dear~'s one, cos the last year's birthday wish did come true and that's all i need. :)

My Thoughts And Reflections

2009-06-26T03:33:00.002+08:00

It's now 3.30am and here i am, not asleep yet and blogging. Just wan to talk about something which i see and really can't stand.

Ytd, after soccer, we were in my friend's void deck under his block when we saw some of our familiar friends there too. Nothing's wrong with them actually. It's just that i wanted to point out that i really hate girls smoking. If she was a stranger or just a friend, i don't really care much. But i was there thinking, if it was my gf or my cousins or anyone close to me, they will sure get a scolding from me. That girl that i mentioned, i had no idea why i feel like going away at the sight of her. I was thinking aloud in me that, seriously my deardear~ is like 100X better than her lor.

Talking about my deardear~, actually i am looking forward to the present she said wan to send me on my birthday. There is a saying, "爱人是痛苦的，被爱是辛福的。". Although i don't really know how long we can last but at least i know, this saying is true and what i wanted to do is that to ensure i return the love she gave me and hopefully, both of us can belong to the "被爱是辛福的" category. Be it my friends, family, ex, used-to-be crush, i hope they can be like me cos it really feels good to love or feel loved, depending on yourself and the person you are with. (I know i am being emo, so don't say a word about it.)

(My Thoughts: Dear~ Rest more and Stay healthy always. You can't afford to get sick now due to H1N1. Same goes for my friends, esp. those study in NYP)

My Fantasy World

2009-06-15T01:20:00.002+08:00

Just came back from one of my relatives' wedding dinner 2 hours ago... Everytime i went to a wedding dinner, the most touching part is the couple's love journey, when they showed the video slides. Then, i came to realise the reason this blog is named, Fairy童Tales话, and the joint blog, 美丽的童话. For me, i wanted this blog to continue till i was not able to type anymore. I wanted this blog to tell my story, passing it down for generations if possible. "美丽的童话" shares our dreams that we have for ourselves, the story of a long distance relationship. I still have no ideas if there will be a happy ending for this story but i certainly do hope so.

I know i am being too emotional here but that's the way i am. My intention of starting this blog is to let people gain access into my inner world, but it simply became a joke to some. No matter. I know i am being ironic, contradicting. The truth is that i really hope i don't feel anything but i can't, unless i have someone's support. To some, this may be another joke but to me, this is nothing but truth.

团结就是力量

2009-06-12T00:43:00.002+08:00

I believe in all events, teamwork is more important than anything. 1 person can never beat the strenght of 2 or more, no matter how pro you are. In games that requires teamwork, like soccer and games like DotA (Defence of the Ancients), teamwork is especially important. Think about it, if it's a solo game or sports, why is there a need for 5v5 (For DotA) or 11v11 (For Soccer)?

I hate those who think they can win the game by playing solo, as the saying goes "团结就是力量". Too bad i forgot to screenshot the 2v1 match and the 2v2 match... It's totally different and can ultimately proves my point. Haiz~* Come to think of it, the 2v1 match was damn funny. Playing maple since dear~ is not at home msn with me, then later went to play soccer. Then homed to play DotA...

Well, that's all for today~ Off to chat with my dear~

My Most Importance - Top 3

2009-06-07T23:27:00.002+08:00

It had been quite long now since i blog... i think about a week bahz, but many things had happened for the past 1 week. I will slowly re-enhance what happened in this entry if mine, "My Most Importance - Top 3":

Third: Bowling Ball
Ever since i was first introduced to bowling, i begin liking the sport and always hope to have my own ball after my brother got it. After bing posted to NP, i did not think twice to join the bowling club and hopefully can have my own ball and of course, able to represent the school in the sport.
Second: Laptop
I have waited 2 extra years for my laptop and finally i got it. But then come to think of it, the 2 years and the friends i made, are they really my friends or just making use of me? Even if i know they were making use of me, i just don't want to make enemies cos i know the days would be difficult to pass if I had no friends at all in those 2 years. Talking about POA, i hereby want everyone who read my tagboard to know that, in this semester, i did not take POA module and i don't even know who the teacher is. So if anyone tell you craps, don't believe them.
First: My DearDear~Stephanie
All of you may wonder why my deardear~ is first and not my parents or whoever. The reason is simple. As most of you knows, long relationship is never easy. So what i wanted to do now is to focus on this relationship and hope that it can last. But seriously, she really look different from the first time i saw her in her photo. And her personality, well i just have to make her feel safe with me. Some of you may know our blog and used the picture there to crack a joke. If she don't mind, i should not mind too. :)

That's all, folks!

Making Dreams A Reality

2009-05-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

Oh yea! Bacelona wins Man U 2-0... WooHoo! But that's not the main thing... Look like there are new jokers in town. Things start to get interesting but... I don't care. For all i know, 我所有的幻想都成了现实. 所有的不可能都变成可能.

I dunno how long this can last but... Dear~ stays in KL, Malaysia and me, here in Singapore. Both of us do not have the sense of security but we try our best to keep this relationship going. A lot of people tells me this that when craps comes in, close the door shut. I am no doubts angry with them but like what dear~ said that it's their business to say what they like and try to ignore them. Know some friends from NP and we get along very well. We tease each other and so on. Although me and my dear~ stay in 2 different countries but we still sms each other and we chat with each other in msn...

Ok bahz... Dun blog liao. Off to chat with my dear~ hehe...

New Beginning

2009-05-21T00:18:00.005+08:00

I seems to have the habit of blogging at midnight but that does not matter, as long as i am happy now. Malaysia and Singapore may be neighboring countries, but the distance between Kuala Lumpur (KL) and Singapore is very far, as shown in the map below, but i feel it is worth the try.

I had been pondering over this matter the past few days and i had been conflicting with my mind, seeking out the pros and cons. I had been asking myself this particular question, "如果爱一个人，是不是可以不管彼此的距离多遥远，你还会想那一个人?" It is not that i am despo or anything, but it is just that we somehow click with each other. She is still studying in KL but i really hope that she can come over and study after completing her studies in KL. I believe in this, as long as we keep in contact, through msn, there should not be any troubles at all. Since she is willing to give me a chance, i guess that is fate too. Whether we can last long or not, it will be up to us as to how we are going to maintain this relationship. In conclusion, i feel nothing except happiness and of cos, hope this last...

(Ignore The "We are here!". Focus on the distance between KL and S'pore)
Source: http://www.perhentianguide.com/hotel/perhen/tunabay/images/map.gif

NP Bowling Team - My Dream And Expectation

2009-05-11T23:21:00.004+08:00

Just came back from my bowling CCA... After 3 weeks of training, i didn't seems to have any improvement. Our coach aims to train us to be professional bowlers in 3 months time. This adds more stress to my desires to have an average score of 190... And my score now, at most only 90+... Average of 190? Still a very long way to go.

When the coach was watching us, i felt very stress. Not only that i feared that i can't hit the pins, but i also feared that i was unable to get into the bowling team. I know it will take some time and there is no rush but i just can't get the thoughts, of unable to be in the team, out of my mind. There is something i wanted to prove so much. After the CCA, i told myself to relax and i kept telling myself, "The difference between impossible and possible lies in one's determination". I told myself not to give up so easily and that by losing my confidence, i have already lost half the battle. Of course, my bowling friends also did encourage me. Seeing me how stressful when coach was around, they keep telling me to relax. NP Bowling Team standard is high, no doubt, but it is this standard that push me forward. And i never regret joining Bowling Club, even if it costs $16 per session, and even if till the end, i did not enter the team.

There is a lot of my success stories right here. Story of how i climbed from the bottom pit back up to the surface, against all odds. If i ever enter the NP Bowling Team, it will be another of my success story and i looked forward putting them right here.

What A Drag!

2009-05-08T00:33:00.002+08:00

It's late midnight and here i am still blogging. Still hating myself but dunno for what purpose... Haha! What am i talking about? lolz... Never mind what i am talking about.

Yesterday's BStat (Business Statistics) lecture was a drag. It's all about ACC and BIT is like transparent to the lecturer. That's why I hope this time round, it will be the BIT students that score the highest and not the ACC... Really fed up with the lecturer. Went through so fast somemore and expect us to understand. So when the lecturer cannot make it, it is all up to the students now... I am finally officially exempted from ITB (IT in Business). Well, I was kinda happy and sad, at the same time. Why? Dun ask... I dunno why either. As for my bowling CCA, i was kinda still getting used to my new bowling ball. Besides BStat, other modules are kinda ok to me... So tired. Zzzz... Have to get to sleep now...

(Facts: You are the reason that i am sad after being exempted from ITB)

Drama Review

2009-05-04T21:19:00.002+08:00

Just watched the 17th episode of a taiwan drama, "败犬女王". A lot of thoughts came through me. I just had to wondered is it really possible for 2 people, with the age gap of 8, to be together and live happily ever after? The drama hasn't ended yet and the outcome still unknown, but what i am think is that if it is really possible for these 2 people to be together, then what about those, with their age gap half of it?

Took bus no. 188 home today. Saw a couple in the bus and how i envy of them. The memories that i had with her, are still as clear as though it just happened yesterday. We may be living in 2 ends of Singapore, and we seldom meet (or rather most of the time wasted my trip to her area), but i don't mind at all. No matter how my parents said about her, it didn't really bothered me. However, it does bother her. Break up with her for 5 months now... Whenever i was asked to talk about myself, somehow or rather, she came into my mind. I will always use the phrase, "someone special" cos' the fact remains that she is really very special. But what's past is past, they can only serves as memories... Sad but true :(

Played DotA with my friends till 6pm in campus, and went our separate ways at the Clementi MRT station, before taking the bus home...

First Bowling Training

2009-05-01T00:13:00.004+08:00

I finally understand why people hate me in the past... I had been such an idiot in the past and so irritating. Well, there is a living example and i don't like it too... No use destroying my mood cos' it was a happy day for me. There are things in this world which is better to learn from the professionals. In 3 years time, i am going to excel, and gets better than i am now. I thought that being honest and straight forward is good, but now i think otherwise.

Like i said, "The Difference Between The Impossible and The Possible Lies In One's Determination". If i lose confidence in myself, i lose half the battle. A lot of people used to think there is a lot of thing that i can't accomplish but when i did, they just disappeared. My mother also told me this, "What you want to achieve, there is no need to tell others. Knows them in your heart and work towards it." I used to think my parents don't support me in everything what i do, but now i think otherwise. Even the one that fought with me since young, support me... He even told me to work hard... Well! I will since this is my interest. And since with someone helping me, i believe i will get better in it...

It is getting late and i am been in school for whole day... Just feel like sleeping now... Zzzz...

(Facts: The Difference Between The Impossible and The Possible Lies In One's Determination)

Another Lesson Learnt

2009-04-27T16:25:00.003+08:00

Everytime, it seems to me that 'someone' or 'something' is leading me to the way i should be heading. Everytime, something happened, that 'someone' or 'something' will leave me a message through someone else... It could be teachers or maybe some occurances. In this case, i learnt one thing through a story about a deaf frog, "Never Listen To Others' Tendencies to be Negative or Pessimistic". This reminds me of someone who always remind me to look at the positive side. This person, as for now, is a real friend. Always the first person to support and i feel safe telling her my feelings.

Angry with Alvin? Nah! What's the use? But i may not go to the SC or BC as often as i used to have. Today, we get to know each other in class through a game that required an adjectives beginning with the same first letter of our names. I used the word, "Negative Nigel". My classmates were like asking me why i used the word, "Negative". And in the end, i changed it to, "Nice Nigel"... Haha! It is good to have people who care and who understand you, but it is also irritaing to have people who doesn't care about what others feel... Angry with such people will only shorten my lifespan, so why bother? But i guess there will be a lot of explaining to do if i ever go to SC or BC again to someone... or maybe i will have someone to pass the message...

(Extract: Never Listen To Others' Tendencies to be Negativeor Pessimistic)

LiveJournal

2009-04-25T01:26:00.002+08:00

I had recently switched to livejournal, but unfortunately, it is only for people that i trusted the most. If you did not know my livejournal URL, you are probably not on my most trusted list of people. However, i may continues to post right here... Bored as it may be, if you don't like, please leave... Thank You! :)

Regard,
- Nigel

My Reflection Of The Week

2009-04-24T00:05:00.003+08:00

Look like the truth is all out within a week. I mean even a three-year-old will find something weird about what Alvin told me lor... There had to be links about whatever happened. And like what i expected, everything is linked up. *Sigh!* Never mind la... What's done cannot be undone. No use blaming anyone except myself for trusting the wrong person.

As for yesterday (23 April), things got a bit messy during soccer games. I was expecting to see JM with TI but then he was alone at the basketball court. It was only minutes later when TI came down all by herself. During the last soccer game, things got too heaty. MH pushes LI onto the ground, and eventually we had to stop the game and proceeded to our usual hangout at the playground... Seeing TI so emo, i asked her what happened. Well, she replied mood swing... Just being concerned about her as a friend, i wanted to cheer her up but did not know how to... I am not as humourous as my brother. That's when i rmb about the piggy video and showed it to her. Well, i just hope she did cheered up after that. By the way, i rather see her smile then to see her frown. When she was emo-ing, i was rather scared to ask her what happened cos' i rmb the 1st time i ask her the same question, she was like very angry. But i thought, as a friend or even sometimes, being a guy, we should sometime try and understand the feelings of others. I lived for 19 years and i have seen how people reacts to others' feelings, esp. guys...But whatever the case is, i can't retrieved what i had missed...

Almost 1 week into adapting my life in poly... Later there is still lectures in the morning... Better get some rest now or i will have 'panda eyes' early in the morning...

(P.S. Trust No One Except Yourself)

New Visions In Life

2009-04-21T23:38:00.002+08:00

Wa sianz lah... 1st is my ex, now xiaofen! WTF! I really had to learn not to put everything into my blog. A simple blog that allow me to put down my feelings becomes my worst nightmare. Oh great! I guess my chance is even lower now. But i am wondering, who got links into my blog that eventually allows her into my blog. But that's not impt now... With that, my chance drops from 40-60 (win-lose) to just merely 10-90...

By now, I should have get use to it. For me, good things that happen to me are all just too good to be true. That's why, i dare not have my hopes high at the beginning. All those brave fronts are just covers. 10% are also chance or maybe not even 10%... Maybe 0.00001%.... Whatever the chances are, there is still chance, as long as it is not zero. On my way back home, I came across 3 simple quotes that i think can be used in my life:

1) The state of life is the reflection of the state of mind

2) It is difficult to beat down a person who never gives up

3) The difference between the impossibles and the possibles lie in one's determinations

To simplify everything, i shouldn't give up so easily. So what if she knows that i like her? So what if i am rejected? It is not as in it is the end of the world. The most impt thing in life is that, you give everything you have. Successful or not, it is not impt. But if i failed without trying, that would be my greatest regret in life...

Untitled

2009-04-15T20:17:00.004+08:00

Oh great! 5 more days left before school starts... Just order my notebook online today and wonder when am i going to receive it... Well, today is just like any other normal days, as in normal for me, i guess. Went to queensway to collect my soccer jersey and then to CMPB for deferment.

I know my blog is abit boring cos there are nothing except videos from Youtube. Pathetic! Whatever it is, i will try and post more pics. Well, there is a saying, "Pictures Tells A Thousand Words".

Best GoalKeeper In Town... lolz! jkjk

爱恨难

2009-04-13T14:29:00.004+08:00

Last sat juz went to queenway to make soccer jersey. Dun be mistaken. I didn't join any particular soccer team. It is juz our own street soccer team. I know it may be a bit...childish, but juz want to be part of everyone else cos most of the time i felt so lack out.

I wondered, "Why do people have feelings?". Feelings make people so confuse. Sometimes they didn't even know what to do next. You want people to understand how you feel but they juz make a joke out of it. Secrets? Who to trust except yourself... Since a number of people oredi know. I think it should be ok to put it right here in my blog. Well, i admit that i am envy and jealous of my brother. But what i am about to say does not have any links of what i feel about my brother. I like xiaofen... And i dun wan to miss the opportunity like i did previously. Remember when i said that my brother had a secret admirer? Well it was her and that's why i went home earlier that day, emo-ing... I happen to find her blog and well, i read her entries. Well, i am not a very good-looking guy who lives in the neighborhood, like my brother, but i deserve to have a chance to like someone and she has the right to know about it, no matter the outcome, isn't it?

(P.S. 恨总比爱容易放下<3)

Broken Heart

2009-04-10T01:03:00.002+08:00

It is now an hour past midnight and here i am still blogging. There seems to be a lot of things bothering me ytd. I dunno what got over me but my heart felt as if it had been stabbed multiple times. The pain was so unbearable that i really wanted to cry out loud but i can't.

I tried to patch up with Rachel but to no avail. I thought that i could start all over again but 2 days after my class chalet, my crush actually had a bf oredi. To make things worse, people around me kept adding salt to my wounds. This is when i thought, everything will be back to normal once i got used to it. Ytd, my 'used-to-be' crush was hit by a ball on her head. My first intention was to go and find out how she was. But then, i couldn't cos this is a job for her bf. So all i did was to call her bf over and let her bf handle the situation. At that point of time, i just thought to myself, "If he was me, will i quarrel with my friend over this matter? Do i even have the guts to quarrel with him?". It may be not a good idea to say this but i just had to say it. If I knew the ball was flying towards her earlier, i could have hit that ball away from her. Somehow, my feelings get even more uncontrollable when Alvin add more salt into my wounds. This got worse when i heard that my brother has a secret admirer. My heart was almost sliced into two. I was so jealous of him. In the past, i always told myself that no matter what, never ever let BGR affect our brotherly love. I told myself, "Blood is always thicker than Water.". But the envy and the jealousy, it got stronger as i tried to compress it. I finally realised one thing, i had been living in his shadow all these years, in terms of academic, relationships, sports and etc. When i can't compress it anymore, i knew i had to return home first before it got worse.

I am so envy of my brother. He always has secret admirers but for me, even if i wanted to be with a girl i like, it always seems so near and yet so far. I had never succeeded in asking a girl out before *Sad* :( ... Nevertheless, i still have a dream that would never fade away: To reach further than anyone could ever reach.

Polytechnic Posting Result (JPAE)

2009-04-03T14:43:00.003+08:00

WooHoo! The posting results are finally out, and as i promised, i am here to update about it. So happy and so excited. Never in my life had i got into my first choice school but now i finally got into my desired poly. Remember my desired polys are SP and NP... Well, i got into NP and the course that i got into is the course directly related to what i had learnt, BIT... Swee! :)

Well, i am happy but this may not be true for some. For those able to get into poly, but not what they desired, well i believe that being able to study in poly is always better than not able to... And for those not able to, well just try to see if you can appeal or something. I learnt a phrase from a drama, "Opportunities are for those who cherish them." No matter how down you are, earn that opportunity and cherish it when it comes. There were occasions when people think that i am being too ambitious or something, but i just smile to them. I know if i work hard enough, someday, it will be my turn. My next target: University.

Now with this over, i supposed the next update will be on 10th April and i guess, that day will either be my happiest or sadest day... lolz. Well... that's all for today...

Release of Exam Results

2009-04-01T16:19:00.002+08:00

Well... My last and final results were finally released. And how did i fare? 2 'A's and 1 'B'... And my overall GPA? 3.508...

Seriously, i was a bit surprised that my AIT got an 'A'... What i predicted was that my AIT get a 'B' and PIC get an 'A', but it seems like it is the other way round. But in the end, the GPA and the grades are all what i had predicted. I kind of calculated the total number of each grade i had throughout the 2 years, so as to see what i had achieved. Well... The result is: 17 'A's, 4 'B's, 1 'C' and 1 'D'... Now, it is the matter of which poly i get into now... I guess. With this over, i am waiting for my most important result... Its importance can never be describe with words. Look like April is a month full of events for me. Well, i guess that's all...

More updates coming up in 3rd April and 10th April...

Waiting For "Exam" Results

2009-03-23T18:54:00.005+08:00

As the posting results of Poly are closing in, i feel more and more nervous, if i will be able to get into my desire poly and course or not. But as the matter of facts, there is something in this world that i am more nervous about, as compared to my academic results and that is, getting a reply from rachel. For now, nothing can be as important as that.

Telling her how i feel is like taking an exam. In fact, i felt more nervous till the extent that i was tougue-tied occasionally. My mind even went blank for a short period of time, sometimes, and i had to stop and recalled what i wanted to tell her. It is not that my feelings for her aren't true but, i had to ensure that what i told her is directly from the bottom of my heart. For most guys, i guess they wouldn't tell their steads how their family members felt about her, cos they are afraid that their steads would leave them. But for me, it is better to be honest to them so that in future, there won't be any misunderstanding. Of cos, being honest is not enough but also try and solve the differences between the two parties. Just 2 days of class chalet and so many things happened in the outside world. I just couldn't afford to waste any more time. The "exam" is over and here i am waiting nervously for the release of results on 10 April... My hope? Well... It is obvious that i hope that i'm able to "pass"... What if i fail? Never thought of it...

To conclude it all, there are two females in my life who are the most important people to me, one is my mother and the other is rachel... In fact, both of them always hold the first place in my heart. I shall not write the reasons cos even my own hair stands, when i thought of the reasons. Haha! But they will know when i told them verbally...

p.s. My heart is nothing but a hollow shell without you filling it up.

Mood Swing / Pros Vs Noobs

2009-03-17T00:06:00.003+08:00

lolz... Now i am blogging in the middle of midnight, so i guess whatever happened before midnight were considered yesterday. Well, i was rather emo yesterday. I just do not know how to start but yeah, damn emo... I don't even had the mood to bowl. I just went to one side and got my heart to settle down after one frame.

My heart was rather in the mess. That feeling is filled with the mixture of jealousy and envy. I knew i had to settle my feelings down before spoiling every one's mood. I even had the thoughts that me and rachel won't be able to be together again. Well, i talked to wee kang about this and... "Cherish The Chance You Have.", that's what he said. Wee Kang is like a bridge between me and her, and only he knew what's going on in both our minds. So most of the doubts that i had, i just call him and he will somehow help me clear them. As time passed by, my feelings had settled down and everything was back to normal. As for the 10 reasons, well it is almost done.

Pros always look down on the noobs and in some occasions, the noobs dominate the game. This is exactly what happened when he shouted, "next team get ready!", and in the end, i saved the penalty. I guess he was rather humiliated and angry too... Haha! In some occasions, noobs improved faster than the pros, and sometimes would even surprises or surpasses the pros. So don't ever look down on noobs, or else it will backfired...

Emotions Unstable

2009-03-09T16:16:00.003+08:00

For some reasons, i just could not control my emotions ytd and ended up quarrelling with my mother. I had no idea what i was thinking at that moment. One thing that i could not stand was that my mother always assumed what i did not even assumed. When she is angry, she really can make a big fuss out of a small little thing. And her voice can be louder than thunder too, lolz...

But i knew i was in the wrong too. I was so agitated over 2 missed calls. It is not that they were important calls but for some reasons, my emotions just let loose. I also hate that she always pick on 1 particular person. In fact, whoever says something bad about her, whether my family members or friends, i would try to press down my emotions, but as it gets worse, so is my emotions. After the whole situation, my mind seems to be back to reality from the dream world. The fact is that, there is a possibility that me and her won't be back together but still...... Nowadays, I find it hard to control my emotions. Like during the chalet stay, cos' of what Jerome said, I just walked out into the rain to withdraw money to return to one of my friends. What exactly has become of me? Why am i not who i used to be? And of course, i knew who is really a friend of mine and who is not, during the chalet stay. I won't be mentioning names though... :)

Cos' I Love You - North (MMV)

Dedicated to Rachel. 1/10 reasons why i still like you...

Post-Chalet Stay

2009-03-05T19:27:00.003+08:00

Quite some time never updates... Nothing to update so it is only until now that i'm here. My class chalet stay just ended today. The 3D2N stay really got me thinking and wondering over many things.

Some of my classmates brought their bf/gf there. Some did not brought their bf/gf there but they talked over the phone. Seriously, i was really very envy of them. The couples reminded me of the times me and her were together and i really wished that i could bring her there too. I was emo at some points of time. ~Sigh!~:( Enough of emo-ing... My friends brought vodka to the chalet and they drank till they damn 'high'. Seriously, they were very funny sometimes but at the same time, they could be very annoying. I drank some too but the alcohol level was not as high as theirs. Very tired. Never slept for 1 whole night at the chalet. Whether they were all funny, annoying, irritating or whatever, well i guess we all had a great time at the chalet.

(p.s. The first time i looked across the sea is the time we were together. The second time is the time we broke up. The third time? I hope it will be just you and me...)

A Story of A Cobra

2009-02-23T20:03:00.002+08:00

Finally, everything was done and what await is our graduation. I can't remember the time I laughed like hell, like today. It's not easy to have a friend like them. But it seems like my past experiences turned me into a jerk. My self-defence system can't even tell the difference between joking and bullying. Or sometimes my jokes may not be a joke to others, and offended them unknowingly. My desire to out-perform others also turned me into a person I hate to be.

You know? I am like a cobra, without the intention to kill. But I wanted to act tough and look tall, when facing certain situations, hopefully able to scare away the predators. But when the situation does not turn out the way I wanted it to be, I just run away and hide in my own small hole. As a result, being a laughing stock among the other cobras. Then, a harmless rabbit came along. She tried to change the way I think of myself, trying to bring back the confidence in me and erasing all the negative thoughts I had about myself, putting the past behind and be the real me. Her ways of looking things at the positive side, and cheering others up when they are down, are the reasons why she will always be in my heart. I remember I told her this before, "We are like magnets", in terms of the ways we look at things. After this story, some of you may know who this rabbit is...

One more thing to conclude it all... I find it's stupid to smoke when something happened, especially in relationships. The damage done to you by someone in the relationship is short-term but the way the cigarette damages your health, it's permanent... especially for those who does not usually smoke.

Valentine's Post Entry

2009-02-15T23:02:00.003+08:00

I just can't believe how mushy can i be, although it is true that i miss her since the day we broke up. I don't really dare to have my hope high about that matter cos anything could happen. Henry said that there is a hole in my heart and i guess that is true. Often, my heart had conflict with my mind. I don't really know what i am talking about now but the bottom line is, i sincerely wish that she can be my valentine again.

Ytd was like any other days, though it's Valentine's Day. I went bowling with some friends. Seriously, my heart was somewhat lonely. Seeing other couples everywhere, i just wish that she was ard that moment. Actually, none of the feelings struck me until when we were bowling. Getting all the gutter ball, i suddenly remember the time when she taught me to bowl over the phone, and i got a strike. Better not get so emotional now before everything goes out of control.

Often, we do not know what is install for us in life. Things may or may not turn out the way we wanted them to be. But most of the time, we are in control of our life. Whether something will happen or not, it's all dependent on us.

Worse Than Jokers

2009-02-06T22:10:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i wonder... If i got the power to control the world, what would i do? There are really all kind of people out there in the world. Some are unreasonable and think they can get off the hook if they have backup, some are selfish and only receive help, and do not give help at all. My friend say that i am just being too good-hearted.

I agree to that but even a good-hearted person can't stand someone who is so unreasonable. Is it a crime not to answer someone that you did not even know? Seriously, just now at the soccer court, my temper was rising but i tried to cool myself off by ignoring him. If he thinks he is right, what can i do? When he talk to me in an unreasonable tone, i tried to answer him politely so as not to create any unneccessary troubles. I did what my mother told me to do but to no avail. Some people just cannot be respected. The fact that those playing soccer are children, he knew that they can't do anything to him, and me being the eldest but weakest among them all, plus i know he hated me, he will find troubles with me again and again, "人在做天在看" and this war will not end until one day, hopefully i can see the end of him... I know i am being evil thinking this way, but i really cannot stand his tyrant.

Self-Hatred

2009-02-03T20:08:00.002+08:00

"Nigel, you are a fking dumbass, jackass, an idiot, a coward and there is nothing nice to describe you! What have you been doing for her, for the past 1 month, to try and win her back? Why can't you do anything right? Why do you even bother wants to keep your feeling for her? Why can't you even answer a simple question like,'Why do you like me?'?"

I am such a failure. I figured out the reasons why I like her but when she asked, I am tongue-tied. I compressed all my other feelings just to keep my love for her. The Flash project and the pineapple tarts I made, I did them for only a reason, and she is the reason. I am always undecisive, regarding whether things involves others or myself. At that critical moment that may turn the tide, I backout! Honestly, I am afraid things may not turn out the way I want them to turn out. I am afraid she won't call me again. Oh god! Who can tell me WHAT I CAN DO? What if she ignore me once I confessed my feelings for her like Jaime? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

"Nigel, you know that she is different from Jaime. She is once your girlfriend and that alone make her different from Jaime! If you don't tell her, how will she know your feelings? Then, all those things you did for her will be worthless! Just tell her when you think the time is right. Trust yourself and listen to your heart."

At The Beginning

2009-01-29T23:25:00.004+08:00

I know that i post this before, but as compared to the last post, this feeling is totally different. That time was during the 2006 Teachers' Day Celebration, but this time is personal. "At The Beginning" means a lot of meaning to me. The time when i sang it with her over the air. I used a totally different type of tone at that very moment. Starting from a stranger to couple and now this... I had decided to add this song into my Flash project: "Forever-Part 1b". This is for her and hopefully i can get it done by Valentine's Day. As for now, watch this youtube clip and you will understand the meaning behind it...

Lyrics: Refer To The Previous Post

p/s: If I get an 'A' for this project, it will for her. Without her, my flash project will not be possible.

Year of the Ox 2009

2009-01-24T16:36:00.002+08:00

January 2009 is a month that i learnt quite a number of lessons and i am sure there will be more coming in the months to come. Firstly is my attitude. I got to change my attitude when talking to people, no matter how much i hated that person. I always blame others but myself. I am very stubborn cos i thought that if you stand your ground, people will recognised you one day but that is not the case. The cause of my attitude may be cos of the insecurity i got in me. Whatever the cause are, i will change my attitude towards people but if things get ugly, i am not running away like i used to be.

Secondly, i learnt why my parents are so against me playing mahjong. Basically, mahjong is also a form of gambling. They don't want me to end up like 'someone' one day. However, they say once in a while won't hurt much. I think like what my mother said, i am kind of addicted to mahjong. Really got to stop before things get out of control. Thirdly, regarding my relationship, i also learnt a valuable lesson. What is yours, will be yours. There is no need to be so die-hearted. As for now, i have decided to let it go. But then......

Chinese New Year is coming. For the chinese, it means another year older. Hopefully, in the Year of the Ox, I can change whatever i had set to change about myself. I don't want my parents to get worry anymore. New year, New beginnning. Wishing all Happy Chinese New Year.

Pre-CNY Thinkings

2009-01-22T18:48:00.003+08:00

Super tiring today. I guess i oredi in the CNY mood liao. Dun feel like going to school tmr cos only 2 hrs. But this is not i wanted to update about. It's all about yesterday and today.

Yesterday went to play mahjong at my friend's hse until quite late. Do a bit of thinking later on. My friend told me that i had no skills in playing mahjong but i got the luck, so i am able to minimise the losses. Well, i guess i am really lucky sometimes but lucks do run out. On the way home, i actually thought of something. Sometimes, things may be luck but others may need hard work. Take for example, academics and well, relationships. Academics and relationship alike, i need to work harder on both of them. As for Mahjong, i am going to quit it, like it or not, but not until after CNY and my class chalet :)... Academics: i am working hard to get promoted to polys. Relationship: i am trying hard so that me and rachel can be back together one day, though now that we are just friends. Had a little quarrel with my father too. Can't understand adults sometimes.

Today, on the way back home from IMM, i was watching this documentary on TVMobile. I came across this phrase that really get me to think a lot, "因为不是‘别人’，所以等待是值得的。" . I finally straighten out my mind, no matter whether it is possible or not, i will wait for her cos' she is not any other stranger i met on the road, she is the one that unlocked my inner personality. No matter the outcome will be a sad ending or a happy ending, she will be worth it afterall...

Updated New Year Resolution 2009

2009-01-13T21:58:00.004+08:00

I know a lot of things had happened to me this month and seriously, i am not really in a good mood. Well, some of my friends noticed that and some don't. But whether i want to face up to reality or not, i chose to face up with it. She is history now, i supposed. The 1 last thing i can do is to finish the projects given by teachers. As for one of the projects, that is Macromedia Flash , i choose to do a story that are about me and rachel. It's titled, "Forever-Part 1". As for part 2, i don't really want to think of it, or there may be a new female lead in Part 2. As far as i am concerned, this is the last thing that i want do to remember the things we did when we were together.

My heart had been broken too many times. I tried to cry to relieve myself but i can't. Anyway, for now, i am 100% focus on my goal. Score a GPA of 3 and above and head to Poly. As for the Polys i want to go and the courses i want to take, i had an idea. Just wanted to name them out so as to make sure i work towards them:

1) Singapore Polytechnic (SP)-BIT

2) Ngee Ann Polytechnic (NP)-BIT

3) Temasek Polytechnic (TP)-BIT

As for why i chose TP is because, well i used to have a lecture there so i figured it will be much easier to head in though very far from where i stay. Well, all the best for me. Not to mention this is my updated new year resolution. The previous one is void.

New Skin 2009

2009-01-08T22:55:00.004+08:00

Finally, got my new blog skin done. Look for a long time before i found one that matched my current mood and feeling.

I really don't know what to do. What is my next step? Sad, heart-broken... I really wanted to cry out loud. At least it is better than keeping inside of me. Painful, very painful. Forget the past? How am I supposed to forget the memories we formed in 2008? It just happened so suddenly. I 'predicted' it but still i find it real hard to accept reality. But then, better than others, at least we are still friends. I really lost for words now. I guess the music video will descibe my feeling now: 说好的幸福呢? - 周杰伦

Movie Review

2009-01-05T22:21:00.002+08:00

Everyday in life, all of us will learn something, either through someone or through some events that had happened, it is the matter of if we take note of each events and what we had learnt. Today, i went to west mall and catch a movie with my friends, "Yes Man". Somehow or other, i could find some connections between me and the main actor of the show.

Like me, Carl (Jim Carrey) was always negative when looking at things. Whenever his friends asked him out or asked him for help, he always give the answer "NO!". After a series of events, he met a girl and as he said in the movie, that girl was completely the opposite of him. Same goes for me, before i met rachel, i didn't realized that i was so negative until one fateful day. Similar to the movie, rachel is completely the opposite of me. She is so positive and she always told me, "Forgive And Forget". People always say that if i am with this girl or that girl, i would be the luckiest person on earth, but i say to have rachel in my life, i am the luckiest person on earth.

On the way back, there is a lot of thing in my mind. After my friend told me what happened to him, i realized that the proof that a couple is together is not the time they spent with one another but it is their love that matter. Come to think of it, Heaven really dote on me. Always trying to make me a better person by showing me through others' examples. I could not complain more, seriously.

New Year Resolution 2009

2009-01-04T22:47:00.003+08:00

It's the 4th day of 2009... And yet to put up a new blog skin and yet to have a new year resolution. Seriously, what different would the new year make for me? Just a simple for the new year. My New Year Resolution 2009 and well, trying to put up with some new blog skin if i have the time. Well, here it goes.

New Year Resolution 2009:
1) Able to get promoted after my ITE education
2) Hope for another smooth year for my relationship
3) Able to achieve what stated above. Haha! :)

Well, that is all. I think it is more like what i wish for 2009 but it doesn't matter, does it? Oh well! I guess that it for the 1st entry of 2009 :)

The 2008 Highlight Reel

2008-12-31T15:23:00.012+08:00

2008 is finally coming to an end. Today is the eve of new year. For me, 2008 ends with more things to look forward to in the upcoming year. The 1st quarter of 2009 will be a very important terms for me. Firstly, my Basic Theory Test (BTT) is on the 6th January. Then, the whole term will be my final push towards polytechnic. As for the rest of 2009, haven't really plan yet. Let's see how it goes for the 1st term first.

Now, let's look back 2008. Things that happen, good and bad...
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"The 2008 Highlight Reel"
Nothing really happened much in 2008, except that 2008 is rather a not-so-smooth year. Heart-broken most of the time but well, i always believe if you treat or love someone from the bottom of your heart, even the heaviest storm can't blow them away from you, even if there is some jokers around.

For the 1st 10 months, occasionally i had to deal with the same old jokers until i really can't stand them anymore, i decided to delete my blog URL from the 4e1'06 class blog. Come to think of it, that blog really pathetic.

My acedemic results are one thing which i am happy about ocassionally. Why occasionally? Cos sometimes, the results may not turn out to be the results that i desire and work for. Rather stressed sometimes but thanks to her support, no matter how stress, i told myself that not to give up so easily. When it comes to relationship, i guess both of us wanted to try and last it as long as possible.
"End of 2008 Highlight Reel"
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This blog survive yet another year. This blog of mine is 2 years old now with 110+ entries. Worth celebrating eh? haha! Well, to all my friends and rachel, Happy New Year 2009

Streak Aces

2008-12-09T17:52:00.002+08:00

Oh well! Today's test... I am screwed and there goes my streak 'A's. Haix~ What is over, is over now. More thing to think of and achieved. This coming thursday is my AIT Access Test. Hopefully for this test, i will get another 'A'.

Kind of stressed up. It is not that i am 'hao lian' about the streak 'A's but it is because my parents, friends, gf and even myself have high expectations on me. They all feel that i will be able to make it into poly, including myself. There is a famous quote among us regarding the GPA, "要下容易，要上难", and this is what i am worry about. Seriously, I used to have not much expectations about myself but now, vice versa. The feeling is like, i am not doing for myself anymore, it is like i am doing for others. I know that the grade are impt to me and not others but i just can't stop the stress. At least now that I know, people that love me are motivating me. This type of stress is more like a help than harm.

Just like playing games... I lost that streak, i will get it back someday cos' i know now what i am capable of. The Game Is Not Over...

All In A Day

2008-12-04T20:56:00.006+08:00

It has finally reached the last month of 2008 and before you know it, it will be the last day of 2008. I shall wait till the last day for the conclusion of the year, but for now, it is all about the past few days and today.

The past few days were as usual, except for the fact that i am been busy for the last few days. Why am I busy? Well, you will find out. I can't really stand the way they disturb rachel and me, especially their CS nicks. It bothers me a lot. At that point of time, I really wanted to shout but I didn't. I mean what's the use of shouting at the top of the voice? I had wasted many efforts to show that I am not happy with their attitude but it had totally no effects at all. I hate myself for the fact I can't do anything despite they had crossed over the border line. I got a confession to make. There are many times that the thought of breaking up with rachel came into my mind cos' I really don't know how to face her but then, she is too good, in terms of her personality and her ways of looking at things, that make me think otherwise. Seriously, there is not many girls out there like her. I could think a lot of positive characters she has that I don't feel there is a need to state all here.

Today, I managed to meet up with rachel (and her brother). What is my feeling? Happy, and that is all I can say. It's almost 1 year for me and her now, with some obstacles during these times. Each obstacles remind me of not to take her for granted. Hence, I made the below video just for her, "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You".

As mentioned in the song: "I might have been in love before, but it never felt this strong"

Fairy童Tales话 Special Edition: Buried The Past.Think Positive

2008-11-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

You know? There are things that i dream of in the past which i felt that it is impossible at all. but it all seems now that dreams may not be just dreams. Today i was supposed to meet rachel but did not do so in the end. Something was telling me all these felt amiss. True enough, my feeling never failed me. But thank god, 雨过天晴.

I don't know where to start but in the end, i just lost for words all of the sudden. There is a mixture of feelings. My tears just nearly rolled out. She gave me a 'code' and wanted me to know what she was trying to tell me. I know part of the 'code' but just refused to accept it. But when she told me what the "d" and the "w" in the 'code' stands for, i am just happy. As the conversation went on, she told me how she feels and i just simply lost for words. I did the same and told her all my feelings. At the same time, i promised her, "Forget the past!" and "Think positive!".

All i could say is that she really changed me. The 11 months i had with her were just simply indescribable. All those that i had went through, it is worthwhile after all.

Simple Wish For A Simple Guy

2008-11-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

Back to blogging after surfing the net for so long. Well, i could say that i am kinda lucky sometimes. lolz... don't even know what i am talking about. haha :)!

Life is still the same and could not be any better. Had a chat with my gf today over the phone and i was there teasing her being my nephew's "舅母" or "舅妈" or whatever you call it, and there she was telling me that there is still a long way to go. Actually, i don't call it teasing but rather this is my wish. My wish is simple but not really that easy to achieve. I told myself that my birthday wish for every year is always going to be the same and that is i hope she will be with me every year during my birthday, as in she will still be my gf. Her younger brother kind of remind me of my own younger brother when he was young, at about his age. Playful, naughty and almost uncontrollable. but as he grow older, i just hope he will be more sensible. But still sometimes, i really cannot stand him.

This coming Saturday will be Douglas's birthday and if i am not wrong, it will also be yanzi jie jie's birthday too. Will be going to her place. See if there will be any pictures taken, for if there is, maybe i could post it here and share with everyone or maybe not...

爱的就是你

2008-11-03T17:33:00.007+08:00

Today, i just don't know what came over me. I have to admit, i really wanted to cry out but i just don't want others to know i am an useless weakling. The fact is i did slap him hard and although i know i slapped him for a reason, i could not defend myself when he hit back. It is like all of the sudden, my mind went back to the past, what had happened to me before. I don't want to lose what i have now but at the same time, i really wanted to defend my pride.

The days in the past were really hard to pass by and i am really afraid that that same thing may happened again. I was just too scare to do anything at that moment. As i looked back, the more useless i feel about myself. Rachel... She supported me as always. Seriously, i was touched when she wanted to do something for me about this incident. At that time, my tears were already uncontrollable. As serious as she may be, i don't want her to get hurt or anything. Things are sometimes not what she seems to be. Being a weakling myself, i am not even sure if i can protect her if things were to happen to her. As long as i know about her concerns, i am happy enough or more than happy. Enjoy the following MV that concludes this entry: "爱的就是你" - 王力宏

Sunshine In The Dark - Official Video

2008-10-24T16:25:00.006+08:00

Yesterday, i was supposed to meet rachel but in the end, we did not get to meet up. Haix~ No doubt i was angry. I wanted to celebrate her birthday with her for the first time but then she did not turn up. Same goes to the time i wanted to celebrate the first valentine day with her. But strangely enough, i just can't bring myself to really get angry with her whenever she called me to explain everything to me. Maybe it is not my forte to scold girls or maybe i am too soft-hearted or maybe... i love her, that's why.

“打是疼，骂是爱”, it is a chinese proverb that we learnt since young. Things change as each year pass by. In the past, i thought loving someone is easy but now i know, loving someone involves commitment and trust, in order to maintain the relationship. I got to admit. I feel that as a girl, rachel is much stronger, in term of her spirit, than most of the guys. She like to look things at the positive side, unlike me. With her, i really learnt a lot, be it new outdoor activities or character bulit-up. It's her birthday today and i create a surprise just for her in the past few days for her birthday. Erm... Don't comment anything, just watch cos i am not a professional.

Presenting "Sunshine In The Dark" - Lyric And Composed By Nigel:

黑暗中的阳光-Sunshine In The Dark

2008-10-16T21:41:00.003+08:00

Song Title: Sunshine In The Dark

生命就是如此的黑暗
就如一般的迷
在没有你的时段
我是如何在黑暗中走过
时时刻刻
想出所有办法
在黑暗中露出阳光
事到如今
我遇见了你
你是我黑暗中的阳光

你是我黑暗中的阳光
My Sunshine in the Dark
是你让我
看到眼前的路程
让我的心再次充满了希望
你是我黑暗中的阳光
My Sunshine in the Dark
无时无刻
在我的身旁
给了我心灵的力量

This song was specially created by me and this song actually tells about my life in the past and how is it different from the present days. It actually records about the things that i went through, close to no friends at all, no future and no love, to what i have today. "Sunshine In The Dark" was actually created for my girlfriend as a birthday gift but then as i think through, i can actually give to those friends that i have now. Like my girlfriend, my friends somehow make me feel equally as them. There is a feeling which is missing in the past, which i have now. If it is ever possible, i really hope that i can make an album out of this song... "Sunshine In The Dark"

Emotional Struggles

2008-10-13T19:37:00.003+08:00

First day of the new semester... I am glad that after one long month break, i am back at school. In the past, i never knew i will miss school so much one day. I always occupied myself with computer and some games so as to stop my mind from wondering around into deep space but the hardest part of them all is myself. I just could not get pass myself.

My mind was always contradicting with my heart. There is somehow an inner struggle within myself. Things can be as worse as when i was in secondary school but this is something which no one can really give me the answers to all my questions. The contradiction was so strong that sometimes, i asked myself that how did i get into this situation. It is a battle between the trust that i had long built in my heart and the negative responses that my mind received from the surrounding. It is to the extent that i do not know who is right and who is wrong. In the past, no matter how hard the situation may be, they tend to be a way out but now, my soul is in the complete confusion.

What's more ahead of me? Is my dream for the future ever come true? Only time can tells...

September Modules Results

2008-10-02T16:20:00.006+08:00

Woohoo! Double 'A's... For my 1st semester exam results, i got the GPA of 3.447. 'A' for WAD is not really what i expected cos' well. teacher say that our project may pull my result down from 'A' to maybe 'B' or 'C'. But now, thanks god that i finally make it and that i did not let myself down.

I wonder how my other teammates are faring cos if i did well for WAD, they shouldn't be that bad, should they? POM... I was rather worried that my result for this module doesn't live up to my expectation but it turns out all right overall. But still, i am still wondering how they calculate the overall GPA. For all i know, i just have to get an 'A' to pull up my GPA from the past semesters. 3.257 to 3.447, i am certainly improving but the question still lies, "Am i able to go poly with the results i am getting?" I have high hopes on my future. I am not going to let anyone mock at me anymore like in the past. I just want to reach higher than anyone i know. I guess it calls for a celebration if i am able to complete the first race. A step closer to finishing line. Last final semester, i will put in all my best efforts into it in order to reach the finishing line. This is not a race where there are opponents. It is a race that put my future on the line.

WAD - Web Application Development

POM - Principles of Marketing

There's A Will, There's A Way

2008-09-22T20:37:00.002+08:00

It had been quite a while now since i last blogged. Well, there is nothing much to blog about since i am now having school holiday. I may be having holidays now but my mind is still working from day to night. I used to like school holidays but now, vice versa. There is totally nothing to do during school holidays and all i did was sleep till i feel like waking up. Damn bored!

But i learnt something myself too. I learnt that sometimes things may not be as bad as it seems to be. What am i talking about? It is surprising how a simple activity can teach you something that is invisible to the eyes and that is the power of one's wills. Though i may always tend to look things at the negative side but like all others, i wanted to turn things around. I learnt that as long as there is one last chip left with you, there is no reasons to give up. I looked back and was trying to recall some occasions in which i tried to put my one last chip on the line and give it all my best. Sometimes, i win but again, other times i lost. It is a matter of whether you feel that if that particular incident worth your effort in putting your one last chip on the line for it. I also realized something too. I used to call those jokers inmature but i never ask myself that how mature am i as compared to them. Now that my life changes much better, i guess it is time for me to think about my own personalities. I had spent my life judging others but now it is time for a change, isn't it?

Well! You know what they said, "There is a will, there is a way." .

Month Review

2008-09-01T22:11:00.002+08:00

Today is 1st September and it is an official day for Teachers' Day. I wanted to go back last friday but it seems to me that no one went back to secondary school or maybe there was. Who cares? Everything is over now. Come to think of it, I don't really look forward to meet my former class again after that miserable 2 years. Just wanted to go back and meet the teacher i respected the most.

August is over and September is here. August was kinda busy month for me but it started well :) The last final exam is here, Principles of Marketing (POM)... I really hated projects ever since i need to do projects in school to so-called, pull up my overall marks, but i see it as it's more like pulling down my overall marks. I supposed 'A' for WAD is a goner cos of project. POM... I really hope for an 'A' but i don't know if that is possible cos of project again. Sigh! To make things worse, the whole of next semester is all about projects. I'm dead! Let's not talk about projects. Well! Let's review some of the highlights of the events in the month of August:

1st August 2008:
Like I said, the month of August started well with some team-building activities in school. But the highlight for this day was that i was able to patch up with my gf... When i received the news that she wanted to break up with me, my mood changed though not obvious physically. All i thought of was how to save this relationship if possible. Honestly, i was on the verge of giving up until she called me that day. I was just overjoyed and really hope that i could talk to her for another hour but at that time, both of us had our own thing to do. I sat down and i thought a lot and to do some self-reflection.

5th August 2008:
Nothing special... It is my WAD CA2. Relatively easy and i got 48.5/50, though i expected 50/50 but still 'A'. I supposed my careless mistakes lied on that single ';' in that questions on cookies.

9th August 2008:
This day was National Day. Somehow this year's National Day seems to be too quiet unlike other years. National Day was my grandmother's birthday too, so i expected all my family members to be here but it was not what i expected. Some of my cousins were not here :(

Well! I think that is about it... Not much. The rest of the days were like normal like any other days, I guess... That's the update/highlights for last month.

My Natures

2008-08-25T20:47:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i asked myself, "Why is my life different from everyone else?" No matter what aspect of life, mine is always different from others. Having sensitive nature can be good and can be bad. You could say that i am more sensitive than others. My emotional nature gets me thinking about a lot of things. Combining the sensitive nature and the emotional nature, you get a perfect being. I am not saying i am perfect though i aim to be perfect.

8 months and i think i have enough. Why can't we be like other couples?-.- I had decided... If everything goes well, it is time for us to face the music, instead of running away. When the time is ripe, i think it is best for me to face her family members. I hate the type of feelings when my emotional nature makes me feel miserable and uneasy.-.- Even if she is online in msn, i always struggle with myself if i should talk to her. Then when i talk to her and she never reply, my sensitive nature took over my emotional nature resulting in my imagination running wild. I had never imagined that loving someone can be so painful. Maybe i am being to naive thinking that loving someone is easy.-.-

Dramas Vs Reality

2008-08-12T23:19:00.006+08:00

Yup... Today received my WAD CA2 results and god damn it, only 0.5 mark difference from CA1. But the overall is still an 'A'. Well, at least 1 thing in my mind is rested. But there are many more in my mind have yet to be rested.

Being a cancerian, i guess it is normal to be emotional and sensitive sometimes. Most of the time, my mind is putting a 'defensive wall' for me. If bad things are to happen, at least I won't feel that bad like the time when I was rejected. My girlfriend also asked me, why am I always think of the negative impacts, negative answer and almost everything in my mind are negative. You know something, all of the sudden I just feel that someone knows me and I really wanted to try to know her as much. I like to watch idol dramas and the recently i watched, "命中注定我爱你", there is a phrase i like a lot and really occupied my mind the whole day, "第一次是偶然，第二次是必然，第三次是命中注定。", i asked myself this, "我和她是偶然，必然，还是命中注定？", but i know that in me, i truely wish that is, "命中注定". Guess people who read my blog knows how much i love her, isn't it? Watching the drama, the storyline is almost the same, from strangers to someone who we love. That is why i was so emotional when i watched that drama. To end this, i wanted to include this as a conclusion to this entry: <99次我爱他> KTV:

FlashBacks And Regrets

2008-08-01T20:54:00.006+08:00

Today, our class were having teambuilding activities at East Coast Park (ECP). Come to think of it, it was rather pathetic cos more than half of the class did not go for this activity. 2 boys and 5 girls... We have games such as water bombs and 'the amazing race'. I have talk to some of the teachers that teach my class, especially our Class Advisor. He was rather disappointed with the class attendance for the activity. Well! Isn't that obvious? As for Mr. Neo, as far as i know, he was not feeling well and yet he join us in the water bombs game. To me, he is a great teacher. Actually, all of our teachers are great, it just take time to understand each other, that's all!

So far for today, what i wanted to highlight was that me and rachel are finally back together. It prove that all i had done to save this relationship is worthwhile after all. Honestly, i was a bit surprised that she called me this afternoon. As much as i wanted to save this relationship, getting a reply from her was like taking exams results. This storm is finally over. After the 'amazing race', i sat down on the sandy beach waiting for the rest, as well as to think back the time when i was with rachel. I got to admit, i took things for granted as usual. Only after i lost it, i really regretted it. I did not cherished her enough. But now, i realized that i really love her. For the past 4 days without her, i seemed lost and heartache. When she wanted to patch, i was like "WooHoo!". She knew from my tone that i was happy at that moment. "人总是失去后才后悔", how true is it? Sincerity always play an important role in everything in life, love is no exception. At that time, i really wanted to thank God for the second chance rachel gave me.

Now, just wanted to share some photos took at ECP... Sorry for the blur image, i took them with my phone...

(spiderman withour pants... haha!)(Sea View @ ECP)

360 Degree Changes

2008-07-30T22:24:00.002+08:00

I have been thinking for for quite a long time now. There is a saying, "爱情是要靠缘份". What is gone, is gone... What is history, is already history... All we left are some memories. Heartache? That is totally unavoidable. After today, I thought to myself, "Instead of looking back in the past, Why not look forward into the future?" Just like those jokers, I guess she is history now. Life still have to go on, isn't it?

Haix~ "有缘无份", what to do? I told myself that I am going to make a 360 degree changes in my life. First, I want to 'kill' all my bad habits, included the recently taken up, mahjong. Yes, winning is fun but losing is painful, just like relationships. Then, I have to ensure that I make it to the poly next... Driving license? Maybe during some of my free time? Maybe holidays? Relationships? I really don't want to think so much about this issue now. I want to know if my '缘份' with her is there or not? If there is, why not try another shot at it?

To conclude this entry, I want to end it with this particular MV: 《为什么相爱的人不能在一起》

Angry Yet Worry

2008-07-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

I was feeling kinda useless cos i just couldn't learn how to skate right. Well! At least it was fun... All of us have fun. We went ice-skate at leisure park, kallang. We were there till 9pm. Actually, last friday was the only day that me and rachel were out so late. I guess it was my fault somehow. Our initial plan was skate till 8pm but rachel wanted to skate for an hour more. If only i insisted she stopped and we sent her home early, will the situation be different?

I was worried all the way from Sengkang back to Clementi. I heard from Natalie that rachel's mother called her and some past events, i was worrying sick. I was worrying that she would get into trouble with her parents. I really failed as her bf. When i saw her fell while we were ice-skating, i wanted to rush over and help her out but ended up falling myself. In the end, Wee Kang had to help both of us up. You could say that i am jealous, which i don't know if i am really are but that type of feeling was like... Heavy? Ya... It was a heavy feeling, no doubt. Furthermore, I found out from natalie that rachel had been skipping meals just to get out of turf club, to the extent that she has gastric pain. I failed to realize or know about her health condition. She had been telling me that she had gastric pains but all i thought that maybe she was heaty, that's all... But i never thought that it was that serious. Maybe Wee Kang is right, i had been giving in to her too much. Well! What can i do now? Except for worrying about her, What can i do? Just hope that she is alright... :(

Ice-Skating/Neoprints @ JEC

2008-07-17T21:40:00.006+08:00

Got my result today and really quite disappointing... 47/50 for my POM... Yea, it's an 'A' but i expect full mark for this paper cos i study damn hard for this paper, almost till dawn. 3 marks lost at careless mistakes, i guess... Well! Put this aside and let recall about yesterday event.

After both of us failed to meet in June holiday, well we met yesterday to go ice-skating at jurong entertainment centre (JEC). We stake for about 1 hour and had to rush the girls back home cos they had to be back home by 6.30pm. Though the whole trip may be very rush but then for me, i cherished every moment i had with rachel. What is embarrassing is that both me and rachel can't skate well, in fact both of us can't skate at all. But it was fun after all. After ice-skating, we went to take some neoprints. Come to think of it, they were rushing to go home but when we were taking neoprints, they can actually forgot they were rushing for time. While they were decorating the neoprints, i was left standing there, thinking "How amusing that the neoprints can make the girls forget almost everything and completely engrossed in it?". I guess somehow, that is girls' nature which maybe we guys, will never understand.

Besides being a fun day, it was also a quite emo day which i do not wish to talk about before i get emo again. Well! I get easily emo... lolz :)

The Foursome ([Top Left]Wee Kang, Me, Rachel and Natalie[Bottom Left])

Past Weeks Review

2008-07-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

Some feelings once you missed it, you can never find it back. My point is that instead of waiting, why not note it down somewhere so that that feelings can be retrieve in years down the road.

Just happy that mr. neo came back and teaches us POM. My class normally called him 'mullet', i supposed there is something to do with his hairstyle or something. He is not that strict and maybe because of that, my class really likes him. I don't know about others but for me, really quite surprising that he came back. I guess Rachel is not the only one that is looking forward to this wednesday cos i, myself, also feel the same way. It really been a long time since we met up on March and we can't really meet up as and when we want cos of some restrictions and some controls. 7 months and how long more can it lasts? Well! It's something which none of us can control sometimes.

My friend told me something today but he is afraid that i will be offended or something, however he still told me about it. He told me that my family members are quite selfish and for me, to a certain extent, i think it is quite true. I always believe that if you treat others good, others will treat you better but in most of my case, this is not true. Really sad! The impression that my family gave to my friends is selfish and what's more i can say?

And lastly, i received my WAD results, an 'A'... but strangely, i don't really feel happy about it anymore. Not because i am proud or what but... i don't know. For my POM, i have yet to receive it, possibly next week. That's all for today now!

(P.S. Can't wait till Wednesday)

The New Age

2008-07-02T00:00:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Nigel

Happy Birthday to Me

2nd July... and i am finally 18. It really worth celebrating. Looking back into the 18 years of my life, almost everything were completely different. One year is getting better than the other. And year by year, i learnt quite a number of things, about people and about myself. My cousin, Jocelyn, is the first to wish me "Happy Birthday" at the strike of 12, and i am really quite happy (oh shit! getting emotional again!), though i hope it is someone else...

As for my birthday wishes... Well! Here they go:

i) Wish that everything goes well in my family this year, next year and the year after and so on.

ii) Wish that i am able to pass well and head on to poly and towards University.

iii) Wish that me and her can last forever.

3 simple wishes... well! not that simple cos the second one really need to work hard myself and the last one is totally depends on Rachel. For 18 years, i had let my seriousness got over the other me. And now, thanks to my current classmates, i am able to bring the 'cartoon' side of me out into the open. 18 years... i have achieved and underachieved what i had targeted for. 18 years... i may or may not find my true existance. Well! There are still many more years for me to explore about my surrounding and myself, aren't there?

Week Review And Feelings

2008-06-22T22:32:00.002+08:00

It has been quite a while now. If you notice, i seems to have blog not so often cos i am really tired nowadays. I used to blog a lot cos i found out to be very troubled most of the time but now, my life is back to stable so i blogged less now.

Working from 8.30am to 5.30pm, the job may be easy to some but for me, they are not that easy as it seems, that is to sort documents. Imagine you had to sit in your place for the 8 hours (excluding lunch break) and sort all the documents they have, seriously not easy. What's more, i sometimes work overtime cos of the packed bus-stop and i hate to squeeze with the other working adults. But again, working overtime stress me out even more and compared to the normal 8 hours. My pay is like $6.50 per hour for the first 44 hours in a week and for every extra hours, $9.50 per hour. What for earn that $9.50 when you are all wear out and frustrated every time you reached home. No use at all. So from tomorrow onwards, no more overtime. Just work for that 44 hours and that is all! And my plan, to work till this friday or saturday cos really i need a break and i feel i deserve it no matter what others say...

Love... I seems to have a lot of question marks in me that i don't really know. It is either that i had to find out from her or find out by myself somehow. I really had doubts and i feel (~touchwood~) that somehow or other, we will end up in a breakup. I don't know is it good or bad but that is how i feel. My feelings always tell me my future and they are accurate most of the time but for this time, i hope it is wrong and unaccurate, by hook or by crook. Like what they say, to me this is really a long distance romance and plus our age gap, it is really difficult to maintain. No wonder it had not been look forward to by all...

SAD :( ...

June Fever

2008-06-12T20:46:00.003+08:00

It's going to be the end of 1st school term for me and finally i can once again relax. Actually i was thinking of posting something this afternoon but never did cos my feelings got a bit messed up, haha! WAD (Web Application Development) and POM (Principles of Marketing) were relatively easy but shit me cos i got a lot of careless mistakes for my POM. wtf! But again, yesterday study till late 2am in the morning didn't go to waste and not to forget all the scolding i got for returning home late from revision, hopefully.

My feelings this afternoon was like a mixture of angry and worries cos of my girlfriend. Ask her what's wrong but she don't want to tell me anything and that brother of hers, really pissed me off sometimes. Can you imagine someone hang up your phone in the middle of the conversation? That was damn rude! But thinking back, we don't know what her brother was actually trying to do too. So can't blame him until we get the facts right. This 6 months, i really experienced a lot which i never had the chance to experience in the past and really all thanks to my friends and her too. Thanks Rachel for the 6 months we are together and let's wish that our relationship will never end. And here's a MV i created, i called it Custom Music Video (CMV) and the song title:

林俊杰 - 只对你说

JUST FOR YOU!

一文不值

2008-05-31T16:23:00.003+08:00

Let's all end the month with a sad entry. Sometimes, i wonder if my parents even understand me or not? Useless? Then why am I even need to worry about my studies? Why would I even aim for a 'A' or 'B'? Why would I even want to aim to poly? So that they can say that I am useless? All these years, I just wanted to do something which I hope they will acknowledge my efforts. But No! All they know is that, I am useless... From the day I am in ITE, they just think that I am useless. All the 'A's and 'B's seems to be useless in their minds.

I admit that i am in the wrong yesterday but do they need to say that i am useless. What is there for me to study for? All my efforts are not recognised. Not even one bit. "一文不值", and that is what my mother use to describe me. I think she will be happy if what she say about me all come true. That's is the impression she gave about me. Just because i did not accompany my grandfather to hospital yesterday and my brother did, she gave me hell... Using the idiom, 一文不值, to descibe me. She didn't even care about my feelings. I told my grandmother this afternoon, if i am really what she describe me as, the 'A's and 'B's i used to get, are they useless too? My girlfriend called me and i also told her the whole thing. She told me to just accept and mainly to look at the positive impacts rather than the negative impacts. She also told me to either apologize to my mother or just be alone and think of whatever wrongs i had done. It may not be my style but i am willing to give them a try to see if they works. If not, there is nothing i can do.

But come back to the point, I really hope that someone would told my parents about whatever I had wrote here, my feelings, my achievements and etc. because I just don't know how to communicate with them anymore, in the way that i just don't know how to tell my feelings to them.

22 May 2008

2008-05-22T22:30:00.002+08:00

It certainly had been a long time now since i last blogged. Plan to update after next friday but i really had nothing to do now so i will just blog, haha! Today really quite happy cos i win money, lolz... I played mahjong with my friends and for once and the last time, i finally win. After this, i don't want to touch that mahjong again until the next time, maybe when i play with my family. But i really felt quite bad about it cos after all, it was aaron that taught me how to play and yet he didnt win a single round. SAD :( but let's look on the bright side, tomorrow will be another better day, isn't it?

My friends had been asking me when me and my current girlfriend are going to break up. My answer? Unless she wants to break up with me, NEVER till the day we die! And that is how i answered them and anyone who may have the same question as them... I put this on my friendster shoutout and she was like very ps lor. I was also like very ps that she read liao but that is how i exactly feel lor. And i am proud to announce that our relationship had almost 6 months liao... She told me that there is another poly guy who wanted to ask her out, but then she refused. I told her that at least this proves that my girlfriend is cute, if not, pretty, or else there wont be any guys who wanted to try to woo her, right? From her voice, i could hear she is very ps or maybe happy inside her heart, who knows?

Alright! I shall blog till here for now... Going to sleep liao, very tired! Sayonara :)

Love Analysis/Past Experiences

2008-05-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i am wondering if what i see is what i think it is? I saw occasionally, some of my female classmates angry and crying over certain things. It could be relationship problems or it may not be. I asked myself, "What can I do so that my girlfriend won't end up like them?" I do feel silly about crying over some failed relationship or 'spilled milk' but looking back, my tears used to drop for a girl that i liked too. That is a total failure, plus those jokers still add insults to injury, my morale dropped completely until i get to know my current girlfriend.

Love... What is it actually all about? It makes oneself hurt, rejected, loss of confidence and even more, if they were not what we have expected. Love also make one a lair. In persuit for love, people can lie to the other party. When troubles brewed, they would go into panic state. But Love can also be something which allows us to do something which even we are surprise ourselves. From zero confidence to almost full confidence and from failure to a total success. Love is all about having people that you love around you, no doubt about that. What i don't have in the past, i just have all of it now all of the sudden. Friendship, Relationship, Acedemic and etc, you name it.

The trust and love we have for each other as compare to the past, what's more for me to ask for?

Go For The Goals

2008-05-02T12:29:00.004+08:00

Another month gone and still counting down... For some reason, i am just afraid that my results would drop even more. And with so many people aiming to go poly, the chance for me to even get into a poly is even threaten. I guess as long as the battle rages on, there will be no way to neutralise this threat. Every man for himself.

People said that the way i talk make me seems like a very proud person but the fact is that, i still can't forget what those jokers said here in my blog. Things such as relationships, acedemics, friendships and etc., every bits and pieces of it stays in my mind forever and ever. I wanted to prove so much to myself and to them, to the extent that i can regardless the way i put across certain issues, like acedemic results. It is not that i am blaming them but i just wanted to do something and i, myself am proud of, something which others don't see that i can achieve it. I don't want to go back to the past when i failed in almost everything. With 3 more school terms to go, i had to do everything i could to ensure a place in a poly. I am now only in the summit of Mount Faber but my own target is that i hope i can reach the peak of Mount Everest. People may say that i am exaggerating or even say that it is unachievable or even say that i am proud or whatever but i know for the fact that this is my dream, my hope.

As for my relationship now, 11 more days before it reaches 5 months. I never expected it could last this far but well, i guess this is a bonus for me. Me and my gf only knew each other for 2 hours initially and now is almost 5 months. I guess no one would believe it even if i tell them this.
That is all the updates for today and for the past week!

Week Review

2008-04-20T01:39:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, people said that leave everything as natural as possible, but i say instead of leaving everything as natural as it is, why not do some changes. People just don't realised that no matter what we do, we have to put in efforts but whether we succeed, it will be another story.

This past few days is all just about the orientation. Whatever it is, it is finally over for now. But i got to know some truth which made me really frustrated. Well, people do something to achieve what they want, even it means to sacrifice others' future. Two of the people that i know actually belong to this category. One of them doesn't really made me that frustrated but the other one does. I mean i really love her, though not with all my heart due to what happened to me in the past, but still i love her. Anyway, that 'her' refers to my current girlfriend now, Rachel. Her friend, Natalie, though not her real name but that is what i called her, wanted to break us up. I was so frustrated. She treats boys as though like a soccer ball and Rachel as a trash bin, i supposed. She made it as though both of us break up naturally. What she told me and what she told her are totally different. Speaking of it, my blood really boils up. But at least everything is solved now, i hope.

The other one was that, about 9 of us are nominated to attend an elective program in TP. Though it is not my wish to go TP but in case i can't go to SP, which i really wanted to go to, i can still have a shot in TP, isn't it? But that friend of mine actually wanted me to give up my spot for him. I mean teacher selected me and now that i can increase my chance to go to a poly and he wanted me to give up that chance? NO WAY! Anyway, out of 9, only about 6 or 7 of us are selected.

Well, that the update for this week. Sayonara! :)

Results Review

2008-04-15T21:42:00.002+08:00

My results had fell more than 0.4, causing the accumulative GPA to 3.257. haix~ Tmr is the last day of orientation program and seriously, i am totally wore out. Came back to school and just want to lay down on the bed and take a very short nap. 2 days of orientation just came and gone.

Back to the topic, my reults may fall by more than 0.4 but the accumulative GPA saved me and allowed me to be at the top 25% among the BIT classes. That is something to be proud of, isn't it? The competition in my class is getting stronger and stronger and i certainly felt some threats. Have to bring back all the 'A's and 'B's or else i may be eliminate from the competition. Teacher nominate some of us to attend the elective programme in Temasek Polytechnic. It may be far from where i stay but to me, it is an opportunity of a lifetime. I always wanted to be on the top 25 list and i make it. Not to be so greedy, hopefully from top 25, i can reach top 10. Besides it being an opportunity of a lifetime, i certainly hope to fulfill other things while i am there but although i feel that i will not fulfill it.

Well, that's it for today! Hopefully there will be more good or not so bad news that i can put again here in the upcoming days as long as this blog lives.

Targets (Apr 08 - Apr 09)

2008-04-10T19:42:00.002+08:00

After 5 weeks of break, finally is back to school next week. Playing computer games is all i do this school break and nothing else. Erm... not really nothing else cos on the 1st day of school break, i met up with my gf and after that day, i seriously had nothing else except playing games.

Last term was a disaster for me. I remembered in my previous post, i mentioned about my GPA dropped by 0.4. I thought it was nothing at first but now, i got a change in my views. Others can get 4.0 but why not me? All the while, my grades goes to the top of the mountain and back down again. Last term, my GPA was like near the summit of the mountain. The peak of the mountain seems so near but yet so far. Exactly what must i do to reach it? Whatever it is, no use crying over spill milk. There will be April Intake Orientation and i think i will be part of it. I hate all these orientation, partly because it wasted away those times which i can study and partly because, well the time-table for the next semester really is comfortable. I supposed the modules for next semester will be tougher and that explains the comfortable time-table we have.

Back to the main subject, my GPA may dropped by 0.4 but i am hungry to increase it by 0.5 and slowly reached the peak of the mountain. So for semester 1, my target is 3.7 and semester 2, hopefully it reached 4.0 and that is the peak of the mountain.

Ultimate Achievement (or not?)

2008-04-03T19:37:00.003+08:00

Finally, i had my results for all my modules. The total may not be as good as the previous one but then i am still happy with it and at the same time, disappointed with it.

For my Business Communication module (BCM), i got an 'A' for it. For my E-Biz and Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP), i got a 'B'. Actually for ERP, i don't really had much confidence in cos, well for all the class tests, i didn't really study for them and i copied. I don't like to study for class tests cos' i don't think it is even necessary. Eventually, it will be your end-mod examinations that determine your final score, isn't it? That's all for the happy part. As for the disappointment part, i got a 'D' for my Entrepreneurship (ETP). This may be a team project but i don't really blame anyone. I didn't really push my teammate to do those project. I count myself lucky that we got a 'D' for this module cos' i thought that we would get a 'F' instead and had to retake this module but well, we all got through this and are spared from retaking. Because of this 'D', my overall GPA dropped by 0.4, which is 3.257. Look on the bright side again, at least it didn't drop to below my target or should i say, my expectations.

Looking at this 'D', i told myself that i don't want to see another 'D' ever again in my results. 'C' and 'D' is not what i want. What i want is an 'A' and a 'B'! That's all! As for my target for the next two semesters, i am aiming for the overall GPA of 3.5 and above.

Investigation 2408

2008-04-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

Great! Now i am in a dilemma. After hearing two sides of the story, who should i trust or should i believe? My girlfriend or her friends? Talking about life, in life we all face many problems, any types of problems. When these problems come face to face with you, you will have to find a way to solve it. In this case, i got my own way in solving it but whether it will succeed, it is still a question mark.

Different people have different way in dealing things. But if one way don't work, we got to use other way to solve our problems. It is easy for all of us to say that all these problems can be solved as easy as ABC, but when the problems come, you will really get a heavy headache. You could say that i am lucky cos i am able to encounter a lot of problems in my life as you can read from my previous entries. Each encounter teaches me something valuable. When someone hates you, they will try all means to destroy you. That is why most of the time, i choose to keep everything in a very low profile. Whenever i have a problem, i would ask myself, "Does this problem similar to my past encounters?" If yes or maybe, i would do something about it and hopefully turned the situation around. Regarding this situation that i am in now, i wanted so much to trust my girlfriend but something in me is building a 'defence wall', as the result, i want to trust her but i can't, until i know exactly what was going on... I guess this is natural cos i have been hurt twice and in order to prevent me from getting hurt again, my soul is building a 'defence wall'.

No matter what, i had to get to the bottom of this so that i won't get hurt, so that i won't trust and wronged the wrong person.

F.F.L

2008-03-26T15:27:00.002+08:00

From a single cell organism to a fully developed millions cells organism. It had been 10 years since our family had babies. But only yesterday that I felt that isn't it better for us to remain a baby forever. Nothing to worry about, nothing to feel about and etc. It's impossible but if I can have a wish, I really wants to be a baby forever. Carry around in the arms of those that loves you. Sleep, eat and shit are all we knows. No troubles at all.

Sometimes, I asked myself, "Why can't I be like any of my friends, or rather like any other teenagers or children?". Everything in my life is an obstacles. Family, friendship and love, do I really have to choose 2 out of these 3 things? I am really tired, dead tired. All these are something that I cherish the most. Last time, I may not have friendship and love but at least I have my family. Just when I feel that I am the most fortunate guy in the world, I am forced to make a decision. I don't want to lose any of them, and now I am really lost. In my life, I always believe that as long as you follow your heart, everything will go on smoothly but as it seems now, this is not possible. I always ask myself, " Why is my brother so better of than me in any way?". The reasons are that he knows how to make my parents happy. All my secrets, things that I don't want my parents to know, as long as my brother is around, this is not possible. Secondly, my acedemic results were not as good as my brother's when I was his age. "Everyone is unique"? No way! We are always being compared. Unless I am able to achieve what I set out to achieve, there is no way they will understand.

It looks like now we are into another episode of Fairy童Tales话. The whole new obstacles waited to be clear...

My Newborn Seventh Cousin (Aaron)

2008-03-02T21:52:00.006+08:00

A great month to start with. Just to share my family joy of our newest member in the family, Aaron. He is born in 28 February 2008, Pisces. I went to visit him today and taken some of his photos, as below:

Cute, isn't he?

Recent Updates

2008-02-26T16:18:00.002+08:00

It looks like i havent blog for a long time. Well! nothing to blog, what do you expect? But now, there will be a lot of things to blog about. Things that just couldnt get off my head.

1. Recent School Update
Well! Like every year, there bound to be someone that i hate or dislike and he or she may also hate or dislike me. Every year going through the same old thing. For this fellow, which i dont want to mention name, i dont even know what is the problem with him. Everything he do is all against me. True! He is a hypocrite. I told myself that it could be any problem: academics, relationships or any other problems. But at least all these turn for the better compared to the past when there are more jokers in class. That time was when i really cannot take their idiotic nonsense till the extent, i really 'exploded'. I guess i may not be going to school tomorrow cos i dont want to know what are those surprises. And hopefully, he would not take it on the others. As for those jokers, that is what i am going to cover next.

2. Recent Blog Update
1 year had passed since i graduated from my secondary school. But those jokers never fail to irritate me whenever they are 'free'. I dont mind them irritating me but impersonating others to irritate me. wtf! And what's more, using my name to irritate others? Damn JOKERS-CUM-POLLUTANTS!!!!!! Rather stop talking about them before i boil my blood. Grrr...

3. Relationships Issues
For this, I really dont know how to say but i just feel that the relationship is worsening. It had been 2 months now and we seldom get to meet, except for school holidays. I used to tell myself that if i ever get into a relationship, it will be my 1st and my last. But can this be turn into reality?

I think that's it for today. Things are much more complicated but i rather simplified it or else i guess this entry will be damn long.

Emptiness

2008-02-11T16:53:00.000+08:00

All of us are human beings, but every single one of us has different fate. Look at the positive side, there is a chinese proverb that goes, "If heaven made him, earth can find some use for him". I just feel a sudden emptiness in me today. It made me hate myself even more. The feeling is almost unbearable, far more unbearable than being rejected by someone you like.

I asked myself this question, "How did I land myself in this situation?". Actually, there is an answer in me and I told myself that no matter how hard the rest of the journey goes, "Determination and Perserverence" are the key to my success. This journey may be long and difficult, but with that key with me, I should be able to come through it, hopefully. However, I always tend to look at the negative side. I am so afraid I am unable to make it to poly. The stress that I give myself, so painful, especially when you see someone in your class, heading to poly, that type of stress begin to build up even more. That is why I felt a sudden emptiness in me. I just begin to feel that I took everything in the past for granted. Now I know why I was so against my siblings or anyone that are closest to me choosing the same route as me. Seriously, this is not an easy route. I used to told them that either aim for poly or if possible, JC.

Come to think of it again, after 2 years of stress and if you pass through this 2 years, the years ahead will be much easier, that is if the results allow you to proceed to poly, isn't it?

CNY Preview

2008-02-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

Finally, it is here. Chinese New Year!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!! Actually, tomorrow is only the eve of CNY and somehow, the atmosphere is building up around me. I am quite bored now and that is why I am here to blog. According to the old folks, i am actually 19 now, in term of the chinese calendar. Expecting lots of 'ang paos', lol!

Following CNY is Valentine's Day, which is on the 14th February. But I am celebrating it with someone special on the 16th February. Who? Reasons? Don't ask so much! You will know when the time comes. As I said, tomorrow is the eve of CNY. There is suppose to have school but just don't feel like going, so never go tomorrow. Well! That's it for now! Expecting more will be coming soon...

January Recount

2008-01-31T17:51:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of January. Many things seems to happen all at once during this month. Complicated feelings and so on, i am just too mess up. But then, look on the bright side, at least things are going accordingly. Today just received the ERP CA result and well, i got 47.5/60, convent to 24%, well i get 19%. At least i got a 'B' for this module which i had really no confidence in.

Talking about confidence, i don't seems to have at all. In regardless of things i do, i tend to look at the negative side. You could say that i am a coward but after going through so many things in life, i am damn tired... Tired of those negative effects after i tried to achieve something. I just don't want to face anything negative anymore. "Looking the bright side of life" is easier said than done, especially when someone talks about something or someone that you like or you used to like, seriously my mind just 'collasped' (went blank), leaving my heart confused. This feeling seems to tell me that i am running away from reality, but i really can't control it. I want to look at the positive side but i am afraid that if it turns out negative, i would just breakdown.

Enough of all these craps and just get on with it. Maybe my way of wanting everything perfect is wrong. It will only bring more misery than good.

Looking Forward To...

2008-01-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

The first month of 2008 is ending soon... haix~ But soon, Chinese New Year is approaching, yeah! Well, CNY is a festival which really make those adults damn headache, especially there are a lot of children in the house. They will have to give out a lot of 'ang pao' but who cares, as long as we have money, hehe!

January is the month which nothing special happened to me. I asked myself again and again, if I were to retake the 'o's last year, will I do better or for worse? But for sure, whether better or worse, this road is fixed for now. And really have to congratz all my friends that had done well for their 'o's retake though. There is something that I don't get it. All my friends feel that Business IT is a module that is not easy to study, but in my point of view, I felt that it is relatively easy as long as you listen and revise your work when the exams are near. Like History, Business are just pure theory. It is all about memorising, that's all. What so difficult? Even if you don't listen in class, jot down all the notes that teacher show, an 'A' should never be a problem. At least this is how I think. Different people have different point of view. Maybe they are those sort of people that hate memorising things, who knows? Oh yea! Valentine's Day is coming too. And I guess I won't be bother by THAT incident again. Life is different now, hopefully. Unlike other years, I guess I am quite looking forward to it... But then still, THAT incident will still never fade away. Without me recaping here, I guess all of you know what happened cos I think I had mention it many times.

Well! Have to go now... Zzzz......

Feelings

2008-01-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

Today's ERP test is well, relatively easy, i could say, but then cannot guarantee if i can make it or not... sigh! what's next? Well, just prepare for the final year examination in March. Though this may be only 24% but for me, it is quite a big % for me if I want to aim for Poly.

Somehow, i feel that heaven is making fun of me. Things that I want for a long time but never get it but when I do not want it anymore, it came coming back. It is like taking my hopes away and then return it to me. What is the use? The situation is totally different now. But whatever it is, at least i am happy now, i think... For the 1st time in class, i actually scolded vulgar language in class, well, got a $1 fine, haix!~ Seriously, i was so fed up with what my friend had done. But to be honest, in my heart, i am quite happy that i am able to work with her. I used to dream of it day to day. Sound a little bit despo? Well! What can i do? It is a feeling that I can't control, can I?All of us have some untold feelings, don't we?

I guess that is the update for today... Is feelings really that important? Wouldn't it be better if we feel nothing at all? haix!~ Maybe or maybe not...

Stress!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-16T20:08:00.000+08:00

Project this and project that... I am so damn stress and tired of all the projects. Above all, test and exam coming up. Too stress... Seriously, sometimes i just want to stop whatever i am doing and just entertain myself with games and etc. All these, those adults just don't know. All they know is that i am lazy, not doing anything useful etc. Doing projects sometimes really stress me out, especially when team members all depend on you. Worse, they just complain they have too much to do. Sometimes, i tell myself, i would rather do all these myself.

This term really busy. One obstacles after another. Sometimes, i tell myself, why don't you give yourself a break? Take a walk outside? Go shopping? But the problem is that my body don't allow me to do so. I am so tired yet i am worrying about almost everything. PIE, BCM, ETP and ERP, all these are just enough to kill me. All i want is someone to take away all my stress and that person is none other than her. With her, i just felt that i can relax a lot. Maybe because of her activeness. Like i said, she is like my sunshine. It is like a bit mushy but whatever i said here is true. You really don't know how love is like, until you actually get to experience it yourself. Whatever i had endure in the past, i got all my just rewards now. Friends, relationship, academic results etc., things that i don't usually have in the past. It is like now all my dreams and hopes have been turn into reality. I guess i will get through another obstacles, that is all these projects, tests and exams, for now i am not alone anymore. I was able to endure through those time alone, what's more now? But still, i am still feeling quite stress...

Week Review

2008-01-11T15:41:00.000+08:00

Why are people always so stubborn? Why can't they think of what others are feeling? I mean, with all these conflicts, it is really hard to keep them together. Sometimes, people think that they are letting go, but in them, they are not. They know what they want in their hearts but just could not say it out loud. It is understandable that your loved one is going away and not coming back, the feelings that they have, but the ultimate problem is yourself.

From all these years, I had learnt many things that are not taught in school, through friends or experiences. I applied whatever I had seen or heard to my daily life. From there, I made a note of it and well, there it is, something new is learn. Read through all your notes that you had made, and tell yourself that this will never happen again, this should be how we learn. Being stubborn should be something that you should throw away. For myself, if I were that stubborn, I guess I will never meet her. You may injure once or twice, but if you get back up and fight again, somehow you will see another road that lead you to victory. I learnt this when playing basketball with my friends. So you see, in wherever we go, we will learn something. It is a matter of whether we know what are the lessons. Time will tell the truth. Zzzz... Tired! Better take a nap now. Expecting tonight will be a long night... And one last thing, I am really glad that the orientation is over...

2008 Jan Orientation

2008-01-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

It's only the 1st day and im so tired. wtf! Running up and down the stairs, taking photos of the orientation. To make thing worse, it lasted for a week, except Thursday. I will be damn tired by the end of the week. All i hope now is to slow things down and take a break. What's more can i ask for? Sometimes, i asked myself, why do I even take up this job? Really sucks! On the bright side, at least the teachers had not taught anything yet. At least not today. I am not worry about anything, except my studies. Just imagine the lessons i will miss really boiled me up. I am on the verge of going downhill and yet, this orientation last for a week. omg! Just hope that this week end fast.

Well! So far so good. What can I expect more? This maybe my challenge. Testing me on if I have what it takes to maintain the results or not, or maybe for my class, take it as another week break, who's know? So tired, don't feel like continue anymore. Just post some pics here, to be exact, 1 pic here.

yay! I know that I look stupid like this...

2008-Days To Discover

2008-01-02T16:28:00.000+08:00

You are not in the wrong blog but in fact is my new blog skin. The reason why I choose this skin is because, firstly, this skin is closer to my blog's theme that is 童话. Secondly, each skins and songs that I choose reflect directly at my feelings at that very moment. For me, the best way to let out my feelings is through music and pictures. Whether, I am happy, sad, heart-broken or angry, I have no way to express them out except through music most of the time.

This is the second day of 2008 and I have yet to make my new year resolution. My new year resolution is simple.
1) Achieve same or better results than 2007.
2) Whether possible or not, hope the relationship lasts.
Well, simple isn't it? Relationship? erm, better not say not much about it 1st, to prevent more gossips here or rather insults etc. Like I say, 2008-Days To Discover, there are much more thing for me to learn and apply. Fairy童Tales话 has enter another year which is not what I had expected but well, it survive and so far so good.

Next week is the start of new term and well, wishing, everyone that I know, the best in the days to come, in all areas.

2007-Year of Wonders

2007-12-29T16:52:00.000+08:00

A few more days to go before 2007 officially comes to an end. And this is probably the last entry of the year. This year, there are a lot of expected and unexpected things that happened. Some things that I had expected it to happen happened while others is really not what I expected or should I say it will ever come true. I guess most of the credits to go to my friends, I supposed.

Talking about the 4 flavours of my life, if you ask me which of the following flavours I had went through this year, I suppose is the 'sweetness' and the 'sourness'. Compare to my previous years, there is more things for me to remember rather than those that I want to forget. So what are the 'sweetness' feelings, the 'sourness' feelings and the surprising moment that I had this year?
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The 'Sweetness' Feelings
The 'sweetness' feelings that I had, I suppose is that I was able to know the large group of friends that I have now. With them, they really teach me quite a lot of things, which most of the things I feel it is worth me doing some self-reflection. Another thing is that my GPA, I am happy with it but after going some thinking, I feel that my GPA is not good enough for me. 3.625? I should get higher than that. Maybe what about 3.8 or 3.9? Maybe I should get that kind of score. Another sweetest thing that I don't want to talk about, just happened recently. I supposed only the 4 of us know about it. Which 4? It is a secret for the time being.

The 'Sourness' Feelings
The 'sourness' feelings, I don't really want to talk much into it because I don't want that feeling to haunt me again. And yesterday, I had that 'sourness' feeling again, for nothing, thanks to the 3 of them. Well! At least I know their reasons for doing it and I totally understand why they are doing it. I told myself that if that were to happen again, I supposed I will feel that for maybe a week or so. And then, I think I won't be able to get into another relationship again for maybe quite a some time or maybe for a long time, just to avoid that from happening again.

The Surprising Moment
The surprising moment, I supposed also happened quite recently and same thing, I don't want to talk about it just yet. It is a secret for the time being. Also, I guess only the 4 of us know what is it exactly.
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For 1 year, I did not record anything that I feel 'bitter' about and honestly, this is the 1st year that I felt this way. 1 last thing to be happy about is that this blog survive for a year and I feel that this is an accomplishment for me. Well! I hereby wish all of you, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

Untitled...

2007-12-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

Finally, the blog is finally serving its main purpose. After so many obstacles of wanting people to know how i feel inside me, at least now it is beginning to take shape, rather than it being a channel for people to argue, insult, mock and etc.. I know i had been repeating a lot of thing here cos all those happening still going on in my mind at those point of moment. I could say that all those happening really did a huge impact in me, especially what happened on 28 March 2006. It is still clearly at the back of my mind.

Whatever the case is, all these are history. What is the use of recalling them? Making me even more miserable. For what? All those thing that happened make me a better person. As far as i am concerned, at least i know how it feels of being someone who was being isolated by everyone, at least i know how it feels of being someone who was being insulted and mocked by others. All these, seriously, make me a better person this year or maybe the years to come. Few more days to a new year, whatever is install for me, I will try and make it even better than this year and last year, of course. It is not about "How a man changes his surrounding." but is that "How the surrounding changes a man.", isn't it? Still there is something that I really want to hold back. True, I still lack confidence in myself or should I say I don't feel comfortable revealing almost everything here. Honestly, this is my private life and I don't think it is right to state it here wihout her permission. Secondly, I don't want to invite anymore insults or whatsoever.

Well! That's it for today... :) And here's a video that I make myself and well, ENJOY! :)

Christmas Countdown

2007-12-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

This world is amusing, isn't it? I don't know about others but I certainly feel it is amusing. What can I say? Like I always say, "This is Life!". 4 more days to Christmas and soon another year is coming to an end. Soon, there will be a need for a new year resolution. It seems that I was able to achieve my this year's new year resolution, didn't I? Seeing an improvement in the academic results. But of course, some of the happening this year is not what I had expected. Sometimes, things happened when you least expected it, seriously.

My christmas wish? Well. What's more can I wish for now? Everything seems perfect for me now, isn't it? There seems to be something political going on in class and whether this is a truth, I am going to find out myself. If there is, I am not going to let that person has his or her own ways. Everything have to stop. Just too many happened this term and well, this is all just too coincidence. For me, things is really going well. This year is feel with fun, laughter, excitement, surprises and not to forget, some disappointment, or should I say, heart-broken. Whatever it is, to me, this was all history. And look like those jokers had to eat their words, or so it seems... 4e1 '06 gathering? Why am I not notify about it until now?

That's the update for today... Approximate about 2-3 more posts to go before the blog close for year 2007, i supposed. When i mean close, it doesn't mean I am going to wind up this blog but to conclude everything for this year. Well... Until next time!! :)

Reflections

2007-12-14T11:49:00.000+08:00

Finally, the last day of school term... It had been 3 terms now and things look like it was not what i was expecting, but still, you won't know until the very last day of school. True, i really believe that things will always change for the better or worse. Be it either way, life still goes on. I really don't know what, except that this time I had really made the right decision for myself. I chose not to retake 'O's. People like 'donkey' or whoever laughed at me. Some even said that my decision will so called 'ruin' my future. It is where I am now that I really find the real meaning of my life.

Seriously, I was doubtful about the decision that I had made initially but it turns out to be better than I thought. I asked myself, "Even if i succeeded in going to a JC or Poly, will my situation be the same as now?". I doubt it will. Regarding my relationship, I asked myself this, "What is there to be so despo about?" and "Is it because of the surrounding I am in?". What is the rush? What will happen will happen, so why worry and be happy. What is more important in a person is that he has to believe in himself, pull himself back up at once the moment he fall. Failures are not losers, they are rather someone who give up on himself or herself. Maybe like what Aaron said, though i don't exactly remember what he said, "It is just a matter of time."

Friends and results, what is more for me to wish for? Maybe now what is left is relationship but that doesn't matter anymore. I am really happy to have friends and my academic results now, which I lack in the past.

Privacy - Does It Really Matter?

2007-12-10T17:15:00.000+08:00

Everyone have been talking about privacy and teaching how serious is the consequences for invading into others' privacy. But does it really matter? Children, teenagers, adults, all of us are the same. We are so eager to know how other people lead their life to the extent we forget everything about privacy. Blog is actually a site for us to pour out all our feelings so that we won't keep them inside to the extent that we may suffer depression in near future. For me, I have this blog so that I can let others know how I really feel inside me about certain things.

This particular incident really remind me of those jokers. It also hit into me that even adults are often untrustworthy. This is my perspective view. I don't know about others. I was really fed up when this incident occured cos' it really remind me of those jokers and it also remind of me why I had to change my blog each time they know about it. Imagine something that happened for so long that be brought up again. Same as last year. That kind of feelings really undescribable. So that is why, it really lead me to think if privacy really matters. But thanks god that this blog of mine really survived for a year. Phew!

So, in conclusion, "Privacy - Does It Really Matters???"

Month Review

2007-11-29T21:14:00.000+08:00

well... just went to see others' blog and it's good that everyone is living well. But i got to admit that some entries that i read from others' blog is rather funny. Don't want to mention who but really quite funny. ok lah! i know i am quite a emotional kid but seriously, i quite miss some of my friends, obviously not those jokers. but here i am, life is much more better and interesting now. am i a bit contradicting myself? lol, who cares? normally, i don't read others' blog (except my own relative's) but i don't know why today i read almost all the blog that linked right here in my blog. ok lah! i also read HER blog, can? if you know who i am talking about. anyway things already happened so long ago that i don't want to remember it anymore, cos it always make me feels more angry of those jokers, but i don't about HER lah. And also, hopefully i also have the chance to go Korea too. it seems so fun there.

it is approaching the end of the month and next week have the BCM (Business Communications) listening compre. CA (if i heard it correctly). wtf! project after project... never ending. For my ERP (Enterprise Resources Planning), hopefully, i am doing better rather than doing worse.

All right then. that's the update for today and probably the last for this month.