一文不值

Let's all end the month with a sad entry. Sometimes, i wonder if my parents even understand me or not? Useless? Then why am I even need to worry about my studies? Why would I even aim for a 'A' or 'B'? Why would I even want to aim to poly? So that they can say that I am useless? All these years, I just wanted to do something which I hope they will acknowledge my efforts. But No! All they know is that, I am useless... From the day I am in ITE, they just think that I am useless. All the 'A's and 'B's seems to be useless in their minds.

I admit that i am in the wrong yesterday but do they need to say that i am useless. What is there for me to study for? All my efforts are not recognised. Not even one bit. "一文不值", and that is what my mother use to describe me. I think she will be happy if what she say about me all come true. That's is the impression she gave about me. Just because i did not accompany my grandfather to hospital yesterday and my brother did, she gave me hell... Using the idiom, 一文不值, to descibe me. She didn't even care about my feelings. I told my grandmother this afternoon, if i am really what she describe me as, the 'A's and 'B's i used to get, are they useless too? My girlfriend called me and i also told her the whole thing. She told me to just accept and mainly to look at the positive impacts rather than the negative impacts. She also told me to either apologize to my mother or just be alone and think of whatever wrongs i had done. It may not be my style but i am willing to give them a try to see if they works. If not, there is nothing i can do.

But come back to the point, I really hope that someone would told my parents about whatever I had wrote here, my feelings, my achievements and etc. because I just don't know how to communicate with them anymore, in the way that i just don't know how to tell my feelings to them.

22 May 2008

It certainly had been a long time now since i last blogged. Plan to update after next friday but i really had nothing to do now so i will just blog, haha! Today really quite happy cos i win money, lolz... I played mahjong with my friends and for once and the last time, i finally win. After this, i don't want to touch that mahjong again until the next time, maybe when i play with my family. But i really felt quite bad about it cos after all, it was aaron that taught me how to play and yet he didnt win a single round. SAD :( but let's look on the bright side, tomorrow will be another better day, isn't it?

My friends had been asking me when me and my current girlfriend are going to break up. My answer? Unless she wants to break up with me, NEVER till the day we die! And that is how i answered them and anyone who may have the same question as them... I put this on my friendster shoutout and she was like very ps lor. I was also like very ps that she read liao but that is how i exactly feel lor. And i am proud to announce that our relationship had almost 6 months liao... She told me that there is another poly guy who wanted to ask her out, but then she refused. I told her that at least this proves that my girlfriend is cute, if not, pretty, or else there wont be any guys who wanted to try to woo her, right? From her voice, i could hear she is very ps or maybe happy inside her heart, who knows?

Alright! I shall blog till here for now... Going to sleep liao, very tired! Sayonara :)

Love Analysis/Past Experiences

Sometimes, i am wondering if what i see is what i think it is? I saw occasionally, some of my female classmates angry and crying over certain things. It could be relationship problems or it may not be. I asked myself, "What can I do so that my girlfriend won't end up like them?" I do feel silly about crying over some failed relationship or 'spilled milk' but looking back, my tears used to drop for a girl that i liked too. That is a total failure, plus those jokers still add insults to injury, my morale dropped completely until i get to know my current girlfriend.

Love... What is it actually all about? It makes oneself hurt, rejected, loss of confidence and even more, if they were not what we have expected. Love also make one a lair. In persuit for love, people can lie to the other party. When troubles brewed, they would go into panic state. But Love can also be something which allows us to do something which even we are surprise ourselves. From zero confidence to almost full confidence and from failure to a total success. Love is all about having people that you love around you, no doubt about that. What i don't have in the past, i just have all of it now all of the sudden. Friendship, Relationship, Acedemic and etc, you name it.

The trust and love we have for each other as compare to the past, what's more for me to ask for?

Go For The Goals

Another month gone and still counting down... For some reason, i am just afraid that my results would drop even more. And with so many people aiming to go poly, the chance for me to even get into a poly is even threaten. I guess as long as the battle rages on, there will be no way to neutralise this threat. Every man for himself.

People said that the way i talk make me seems like a very proud person but the fact is that, i still can't forget what those jokers said here in my blog. Things such as relationships, acedemics, friendships and etc., every bits and pieces of it stays in my mind forever and ever. I wanted to prove so much to myself and to them, to the extent that i can regardless the way i put across certain issues, like acedemic results. It is not that i am blaming them but i just wanted to do something and i, myself am proud of, something which others don't see that i can achieve it. I don't want to go back to the past when i failed in almost everything. With 3 more school terms to go, i had to do everything i could to ensure a place in a poly. I am now only in the summit of Mount Faber but my own target is that i hope i can reach the peak of Mount Everest. People may say that i am exaggerating or even say that it is unachievable or even say that i am proud or whatever but i know for the fact that this is my dream, my hope.

As for my relationship now, 11 more days before it reaches 5 months. I never expected it could last this far but well, i guess this is a bonus for me. Me and my gf only knew each other for 2 hours initially and now is almost 5 months. I guess no one would believe it even if i tell them this.
That is all the updates for today and for the past week!