Emptiness

All of us are human beings, but every single one of us has different fate. Look at the positive side, there is a chinese proverb that goes, "If heaven made him, earth can find some use for him". I just feel a sudden emptiness in me today. It made me hate myself even more. The feeling is almost unbearable, far more unbearable than being rejected by someone you like.

I asked myself this question, "How did I land myself in this situation?". Actually, there is an answer in me and I told myself that no matter how hard the rest of the journey goes, "Determination and Perserverence" are the key to my success. This journey may be long and difficult, but with that key with me, I should be able to come through it, hopefully. However, I always tend to look at the negative side. I am so afraid I am unable to make it to poly. The stress that I give myself, so painful, especially when you see someone in your class, heading to poly, that type of stress begin to build up even more. That is why I felt a sudden emptiness in me. I just begin to feel that I took everything in the past for granted. Now I know why I was so against my siblings or anyone that are closest to me choosing the same route as me. Seriously, this is not an easy route. I used to told them that either aim for poly or if possible, JC.

Come to think of it again, after 2 years of stress and if you pass through this 2 years, the years ahead will be much easier, that is if the results allow you to proceed to poly, isn't it?