Waiting For "Exam" Results

As the posting results of Poly are closing in, i feel more and more nervous, if i will be able to get into my desire poly and course or not. But as the matter of facts, there is something in this world that i am more nervous about, as compared to my academic results and that is, getting a reply from rachel. For now, nothing can be as important as that.

Telling her how i feel is like taking an exam. In fact, i felt more nervous till the extent that i was tougue-tied occasionally. My mind even went blank for a short period of time, sometimes, and i had to stop and recalled what i wanted to tell her. It is not that my feelings for her aren't true but, i had to ensure that what i told her is directly from the bottom of my heart. For most guys, i guess they wouldn't tell their steads how their family members felt about her, cos they are afraid that their steads would leave them. But for me, it is better to be honest to them so that in future, there won't be any misunderstanding. Of cos, being honest is not enough but also try and solve the differences between the two parties. Just 2 days of class chalet and so many things happened in the outside world. I just couldn't afford to waste any more time. The "exam" is over and here i am waiting nervously for the release of results on 10 April... My hope? Well... It is obvious that i hope that i'm able to "pass"... What if i fail? Never thought of it...

To conclude it all, there are two females in my life who are the most important people to me, one is my mother and the other is rachel... In fact, both of them always hold the first place in my heart. I shall not write the reasons cos even my own hair stands, when i thought of the reasons. Haha! But they will know when i told them verbally...

p.s. My heart is nothing but a hollow shell without you filling it up.

Mood Swing / Pros Vs Noobs

lolz... Now i am blogging in the middle of midnight, so i guess whatever happened before midnight were considered yesterday. Well, i was rather emo yesterday. I just do not know how to start but yeah, damn emo... I don't even had the mood to bowl. I just went to one side and got my heart to settle down after one frame.

My heart was rather in the mess. That feeling is filled with the mixture of jealousy and envy. I knew i had to settle my feelings down before spoiling every one's mood. I even had the thoughts that me and rachel won't be able to be together again. Well, i talked to wee kang about this and... "Cherish The Chance You Have.", that's what he said. Wee Kang is like a bridge between me and her, and only he knew what's going on in both our minds. So most of the doubts that i had, i just call him and he will somehow help me clear them. As time passed by, my feelings had settled down and everything was back to normal. As for the 10 reasons, well it is almost done.

Pros always look down on the noobs and in some occasions, the noobs dominate the game. This is exactly what happened when he shouted, "next team get ready!", and in the end, i saved the penalty. I guess he was rather humiliated and angry too... Haha! In some occasions, noobs improved faster than the pros, and sometimes would even surprises or surpasses the pros. So don't ever look down on noobs, or else it will backfired...

Emotions Unstable

For some reasons, i just could not control my emotions ytd and ended up quarrelling with my mother. I had no idea what i was thinking at that moment. One thing that i could not stand was that my mother always assumed what i did not even assumed. When she is angry, she really can make a big fuss out of a small little thing. And her voice can be louder than thunder too, lolz...

But i knew i was in the wrong too. I was so agitated over 2 missed calls. It is not that they were important calls but for some reasons, my emotions just let loose. I also hate that she always pick on 1 particular person. In fact, whoever says something bad about her, whether my family members or friends, i would try to press down my emotions, but as it gets worse, so is my emotions. After the whole situation, my mind seems to be back to reality from the dream world. The fact is that, there is a possibility that me and her won't be back together but still...... Nowadays, I find it hard to control my emotions. Like during the chalet stay, cos' of what Jerome said, I just walked out into the rain to withdraw money to return to one of my friends. What exactly has become of me? Why am i not who i used to be? And of course, i knew who is really a friend of mine and who is not, during the chalet stay. I won't be mentioning names though... :)

Cos' I Love You - North (MMV)

Dedicated to Rachel. 1/10 reasons why i still like you...

Post-Chalet Stay

Quite some time never updates... Nothing to update so it is only until now that i'm here. My class chalet stay just ended today. The 3D2N stay really got me thinking and wondering over many things.

Some of my classmates brought their bf/gf there. Some did not brought their bf/gf there but they talked over the phone. Seriously, i was really very envy of them. The couples reminded me of the times me and her were together and i really wished that i could bring her there too. I was emo at some points of time. ~Sigh!~:( Enough of emo-ing... My friends brought vodka to the chalet and they drank till they damn 'high'. Seriously, they were very funny sometimes but at the same time, they could be very annoying. I drank some too but the alcohol level was not as high as theirs. Very tired. Never slept for 1 whole night at the chalet. Whether they were all funny, annoying, irritating or whatever, well i guess we all had a great time at the chalet.

(p.s. The first time i looked across the sea is the time we were together. The second time is the time we broke up. The third time? I hope it will be just you and me...)