A New Energy

After days of reflections, i have finally come to a conclusion. Loving someone without expecting to be love back, people said that love is blind and even though that she clearly stated that she don't like me, you don't expect me to really run away from her or whatsoever, right? This is what i called selfless love. Like one friend of mine, he like someone who oredi has a boyfriend but still he doesn't run away from her or whatever, at least this is how the class feel or it could be based on my pespective view on looking at things... I learnt a lot that i did not learnt in the past, the way we looked at things etc... In the past, i may be running away from many things but now i am prepare to face it, be it a pleasant one or an unpleasant one.

All of us do change but some of them just want to be the same (you know who you are!). There is a kind of new energy in me that i used to lack in the past, the kind that makes you wants to speak up for the ones you liked/loved... I used to dare not speak up but it seems different... Maybe because there is no more things to hide now so well, let my opinions be heard if i dislike about anything they said about her. Like i said, humans do change... My academic is like shit last time but now, 4 'A's and 1 'B' in my report card, but the biggest challenge has yet to come... 10 Sept is the day, my final last paper, BFD End-Module Exam... Target? A 'B', of course! So, "Don't Judge A Person By Its Cover"... I dare to say it out loud means that I will achieved it no matter what... I believe in no time, my targeted GPA of 3.2 will be achieve. I had made plans and i am going to make sure that i will move from the bottom to the top. When that day comes, i will look down from where i am standing, at those who used to mock and laugh at me...

Reality Dream World

that's why i prefered to live in a dream world rather than reality. Life is so...... sigh! whatever that is, at least i get an answer but seriously, this is unlike previous times... this time is for real. i just wanted a break from everything now. this is so discouraging... i don't think i want to get into relationship anymore. I don't think i want to even think of it anymore. I don't think i want to try anymore and this is for real...

No more fairy tales for me anymore. i don't wish to feel the way i am feeling again in the future. oh well, at least i tell her straight and she tells me straight so i won't need to be in the dream world anymore. i can wake up from my sleep now. what the big deal, right? Can't be couple, then be friends lar... Sob! Just don't know how to carry on... Until next time then... Sob!

Making Choices

National Day (ND) had just passed and now, for most of my siblings, its oredi their common test. What about me? Well, ND was nothing special like any other years except that I felt it was not as lively as the previous years... Not in the mood to celebrate?? I dunno actually... My class did not do too well in OFA in this CA as well as BFD. Im worried about myself actually. Teacher had yet to return the BFD paper and I really wanted to see how well or badly I had done. OFA? Teacher tells us that this time round, it is not as good as the previous CA... I must oso admit that I got a little bit carried away when the previous CA results was released. Sigh!

About me and her? Not much progress... Like always, I found it hard to tell her or something. As for friendship problem, I had oredi taken my decision. Leave that tree alone and go for the forest... Very bad, right? What choice do I have? I dun want to go back to those days ever again... Honestly speaking, I felt quite bad but what can I do? I did try and help him blend into the group, didn't I? Too bad, I failed... There's a saying, "A leopard will never change its spots.". Well, seems quite true. I remembered teacher saying this, "In life, all of us have to make a choice.". No matter what choice we take, we have to be able to handle the choice that we take, be it our future in the society or our relationships with friends and family members, we all make choices... Sometimes, choices are irreversible. So, I felt that even we are left with no choice, we have to make a choice, regardless of what others think, as long as we think that our choices benefits our future, we should all go ahead and make that choice, and from there, set a goal for ourselves... Seems hard to understand?

Whatever it is, all of us will make choices that affects our lives, regardless of good or bad... Well, that's it! Until next time... :)

Indecisive Me

I really hate myself... to the extent that i can't accept the way i am... i am always that indecisive and when they are gone, what else can i do except ot blame myself for not deciding on certain issues fast enough. For example, to lock or not to lock this blog, i really cannot decide. To do or not to do something, im always that indecisive and really, i hate that side of me... things are not really going well for me cos' i had to make a decision that will change my life... i dunno if i will live to regret it or not but somehow, i still dunno how to reply him and tell her...

Friendship
I had gone through a lot for the past few years and now, am i really giving up all these just for him... giving up a forest for a tree... i never imagine myself being in these situation and now i understand what really makes a person change all of the sudden... just like last 2 years... i really dunno how to choose... friend or friends?? foe or foes?? What am i supposed to do??
Relationship
and today, after school, i have the urge to talk to her but something is pulling me back... plus, i saw her alone in the bus-stop but at that time, i was already crossing the road... i have the urge to go back and well, talk to her or something but i just couldn't decides. When i decided to head back, she was already gone... what a failure! Always that indecisive! Even what to eat, go or play, i need others to decide for me... what exactly am i afraid of?? The Past?? or Rejection??

For heaven's sake, why am i having so much problem? To get her, i need supports from friends and their advices but since the class somehow dislike him that much, the situation will be unfavourable to me and my main problem is, "Does she hates him too?"... but if choose to be with him, there is a possibility that i will never get her cos' most of his advices are non-logical and too rash, plus i will be back to where i started and if she was like the others, then it will be impossible between me and her...

Forest or Tree?? Friend or Friends?? Foe or Foes?? Sigh! How am i supposed to decide between these 2??

Freaky Coward

What the freaky SOTB you are... All of them are supporting you and you let yourself and the rest down... Why let the past bother you so much? Why let it obstruct the chance between you and her? What exactly is wrong with you? Are you going to like her using this way forever? You jolly well know how you feel when you knew that she might be leaving and now she is still here with you, are you going to let it slip by again? You are nothing but a coward who don't deserve to like someone...
What past is past and it shouldn't be bothering you now at this point of time... You knew you had the chance, you want to know what her response is, then why don't you do it? Why don't you tell her that you like her?

Honestly, i am really afraid to know her answer. I am really afraid that history may repeat itself... Like Jaime, i am afraid that after i told her, she would ignore me... Useless! How useless can I be? Simply just a SOTB who don't dare to tell his feelings out. Useless! Useless! Useless! Just cannot forget about the past! Arghhh!!!!