Broken Heart

It is now an hour past midnight and here i am still blogging. There seems to be a lot of things bothering me ytd. I dunno what got over me but my heart felt as if it had been stabbed multiple times. The pain was so unbearable that i really wanted to cry out loud but i can't.

I tried to patch up with Rachel but to no avail. I thought that i could start all over again but 2 days after my class chalet, my crush actually had a bf oredi. To make things worse, people around me kept adding salt to my wounds. This is when i thought, everything will be back to normal once i got used to it. Ytd, my 'used-to-be' crush was hit by a ball on her head. My first intention was to go and find out how she was. But then, i couldn't cos this is a job for her bf. So all i did was to call her bf over and let her bf handle the situation. At that point of time, i just thought to myself, "If he was me, will i quarrel with my friend over this matter? Do i even have the guts to quarrel with him?". It may be not a good idea to say this but i just had to say it. If I knew the ball was flying towards her earlier, i could have hit that ball away from her. Somehow, my feelings get even more uncontrollable when Alvin add more salt into my wounds. This got worse when i heard that my brother has a secret admirer. My heart was almost sliced into two. I was so jealous of him. In the past, i always told myself that no matter what, never ever let BGR affect our brotherly love. I told myself, "Blood is always thicker than Water.". But the envy and the jealousy, it got stronger as i tried to compress it. I finally realised one thing, i had been living in his shadow all these years, in terms of academic, relationships, sports and etc. When i can't compress it anymore, i knew i had to return home first before it got worse.

I am so envy of my brother. He always has secret admirers but for me, even if i wanted to be with a girl i like, it always seems so near and yet so far. I had never succeeded in asking a girl out before *Sad* :( ... Nevertheless, i still have a dream that would never fade away: To reach further than anyone could ever reach.